Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Virginia is for LOVERS!

Want to hear something gross?  The other morning I went to get some shoes out of the back of my closet, a pair I hadn't worn since we moved into the house in September, and there was a handful of acorns in there.  Yes you heard correct, we at one time had a squirrel running around in our house while we slept, hiding his winter nourishment in our shoes and drawers.  I say drawers because not too long ago my husband had found a equal number of acorns in his bottom drawer of his dresser.  I have no clue how the little fuckers got in there but they did.  I don't think it is a problem anymore because we have poisoned anything that has four legs in the house with DE-CON and snapped the necks of anything stupid enough to eat peanut butter off of rat traps but it still creeps me the hell out!  I mean it is not as gross as when I lived in a apartment in Marlborough and the teenage son of my neighbor decided to relieve himself out of his bedroom window onto my grill but that is a story for another day.
The news has recently announced that we are likely getting another 6 inches to a foot of snow and it has made me a little homicidal.  I mean just in the last week the snow has almost completely melted and I have been planning a weekend of raking, garden planning and bulb planting now to be replaced with snow blowing which is a real bitch to say the least.  At this time last year I was home in Virginia with a 1 month old and it was like 70 degrees out.  I actually remember sitting in my driveway with her and my son at the end of March in SHORTS.  Not too pretty a sight but still, SHORTS.  It is when I think of that and also the general beauty of the Shenandoah Valley that I maybe kinda sorta miss it.  I don't miss not being able to visit the folks if I feel like it but I felt like at least there is a reason that nobody comes to visit, I mean it was a 9 hour drive.  Here I am now a measly hour away and I can barely pay people to make the drive!  I guess they don't really like me huh? Just kidding, they come around if there is cake.  No no really they like me...I think.
Well since I am thinking of Virginia lately I will put up some beautiful shots of Blue Ridge Parkway (basically the free Skyline Drive).  We use to do this drive almost every weekend seeing as it was literally 15 minutes away.  Some of the best picnics I will ever have.
Just mountains in every direction.  The other side of the street looks the same way!

No matter where I would go there were just fields and mountains with these huge hay bails everywhere.  It might not seem like it was that great but that is because the pictures can't do it justice.  There was probably at least 10 or more acres of this field that looked the same.  Beautiful.

This little calf use to get out all the time.  This was right next door.  Yup I use to herd cattle with my car!
Virginia is for lovers for sure!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

S&M (hows that for a title) HA

I got to drive alone yesterday.  No kids, just me and Rihanna cruising with the windows down even though it was only 30 degrees.  I LOVE to go places without the kids.  Not a single person to buckle into a car seat, pack a diaper bag for or answer ten million questions about every GD thing you drive past.  I get carried away thinking that I am back in my youth, cruising care free singing to jamn 94.5 lookin' hot.  I forget that I am 30 over weight and have a baby on board sun shield hanging from the back window...how hot can that be.  All that doesn't matter because in my head I am 20 about 115 lbs and lovin life!
Here is another confession.  I have never, not once, bought or listened to any Kid Bop Cd's.  I could not torture myself or my children with that crap!  My son actually thinks that the saying goes "sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me" and that is fine by me.  So even when the kids are in the car we listen to the regular radio stations but being alone and able to crank it up and sing it as loud as I want...priceless.  Another perk to my day alone was when it was time to leave my destination I didn't have to drag a crying toddler out while carrying a 22 lb baby and a huge diaper bag and inevitably still forgetting some crucial item (like a binky), which you will need about 15 minutes after you have departed.  I kind of felt like I was jogging out the door it was so easy.
This is not to say I don't love coming home.  Bell has started to run and it is the cutest most pathetic thing I have ever seen.  If you can picture a penguin running then you have it pegged.  She gets going and then within moments that giant baby head just takes her down.  I heart this totally, and when I got home yesterday she did it just for me.  Noah on the other hand loves himself some daddy time so I don't think he missed me near as much.  Selfish little lady that I am, this morning all I could dream about was another car ride solo so I volunteered to go to my favorite place in the whole wide world...MARKET BASKET!!!  When I got home this is what was going on.

Daddy found a old tire in the woods so he decided it was time for the boy to have a tire swing...too bad that the tire was full of steel soooooo...

We had to bust out the power tools.  I mean what man job is complete until you are using power tools to rip through tire steel in the name of a swing am I right?

Mission complete! 
He even took a break to give mama some love!  He really didn't want to, but hey I am the boss in these here parts.


See this is how my kids get down.  I mean what self-respecting 30 year old mom doesn't rock out to Britney Spears?  Love how Bell says to hell with this and turns the T.V on 1/2 way through.  Oh and the monkey on the couch is what is busting out the grooves.


  video



Thursday, March 24, 2011

I guess I am welcoming a shit storm

Every time I go to Market Basket, or as I like to call it HELL ON EARTH, I pick up the New Hampshire Parenting magazine.  I pick it up because one I am to cheap to subscribe to a real parenting magazine that is more then 5 pages long and two because maybe there will be a idea for something to do with the rug rats locally.  In this particular edition the editors note was quite interesting...enough so that I was able to read it out loud to my husband and he didn't just nod and pretend to care while staring at the Ipod screen.
It was about how the largest teachers union in New Hampshire recently banned field trips to the State House due to the fact that you are allowed to carry a gun while in the State House.  Now hold your fire all my anti-gun parents out there, but this is just ludicrous.  For years the State House has hosted a read-a-thon and many politicians and local celebs have come out to read to groups of kids that are there on school sponsored field trips.  This will no longer happen because our current generation of parents like to parent out of fear.  Fear of letting our kids play outside, fear of vaccinating, fear of NOT vaccinating, fear of not scrubbing everything they touch with anti-bacterial wipes, fear of lead, choking hazards, toy recalls...I mean sheesh what the hell can we do with these kids that is considered acceptable by the masses?  I guess breast feeding, that seems to be the one thing you can do to gain acceptance into the popular thinking moms club.  I have never bought into the latest trends so the fact that this article kinda bothered me is no surprise.
My husband owns guns.  Just so you know, I don't like them.  I also do not think that he shouldn't be allowed to carry one if he wants.  I don't want my son to think that every person that owns or carries a gun is a bad guy.  At least in my experience most people that have guns do not want to hurt you and if the situation arose would more then likely protect you.  My father, brother, husband and countless others that I know have guns, and yes at a young age I knew about guns, the dangers of guns, and that I personally did not want to touch one.  My brother on the other hand took interest, as boys usually do, with manly things and learned the proper way to use a gun and to this day hunts, another faux pas I know, and eats his kill.  We are leaning into a generation that will not know how to do these things.  We are so worried about our children being exposed to anything that is not COMPLETELY safe.  And I mean not a chance of getting hurt.
Now I am not saying we should be letting children play with guns, that is not the jist here, but I am glad that I live in a state where the decision to ban public school field trips because of this issue is NOT popular in the parenting circles.  In this same issue there were two separate articles favoring the constitutional right to bear arms, and these were written by people with young children. 
We have to be careful not to teach our children to be afraid of everything because who wants a generation of adults, yes these little people will god willing be big someday, that are unable to leave their house due to the fear that SOMETHING might happen.  I personally think that is scary.  We live in a world were yes terrible things happen.  We hope and pray they don't happen to us, and especially our children but the fact is you can not protect them from life.  They have to get sick, fall down, hey maybe they get a tick on them someday, that is life.  You live it the best you can, you let your kids go to the State House for a field trips, you let them play outside, you let them have experiences.  There will always be tragedy.  There will always be guns.  Most of the people that shouldn't have them would have them if it was legal or not.  That is just the world we live in.  I didn't make the rules. 

On a lighter note, MUCH lighter, Noah brought home a dinosaur egg that he made at school yesterday and we had a blast busting that sucker open!
By the look on Dov's face I think he was more excited then the kids!


Let us pray that is not lead paint on that egg! ;)
Bell and I, on the other hand made some bedazzled onesies and a few I.D. bracelets which I am sure are a choking hazard ;) ohhh I am so bad!

Sporting her owl onesie

And we top the night off with a bubba...so long as it is made out of the right plastic we should be OK.  Notice how she is not attached to my chest breast feeding, that is because I am a rebel!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What goes around comes around

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."          - Plato

I have heard this quote many times before.  Like a lot of things it got pushed to the back of my mind. As I have mentioned previously, I frequent the Babycenter prenatal testing boards often, trying to bring some hope that there is a light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel to women that are suffering through the wait to find out if they are carrying a child that might have a trisomy or genetic syndrome.  While on these forums you will occasionally get involved with one person who is in a similar situation to the one you were in and you form a connection.  Most often these woman go on to have healthy babies but occasionally that is not the case, which brings me back to the quote at the top.  Recently a woman that had been given bad prenatal testing scores was not one of the lucky ones that get to go on and have a healthy baby. Her child was diagnosed prenatally with trisomy 15, a lethal syndrome that is what they call "not compatible with life."  This quote was what she posted and it got me thinking.
Most of the time I go through life not really thinking about what the bank teller, grocery clerk, or person in line behind me might be facing in their life.  It is hard to not snap when the person in front of you is going 35 miles a hour in a 45, or the lady at the grocery store pulls out 7,000 coupons when your toddler is squirming to get out of the carriage.  I think that if I keep in mind that they might be going through something life changing maybe I will be able to smile instead of sigh or oh I don't know, use that lovely driving hand gesture out the window.
Anyone that knows me will get the fact that this will be hard.  I tend to fly of the handle so to speak, but what I am getting at is, I WILL TRY. 
I am sure that most everyone can remember a time when they were in a struggle that seemed impossible and felt like if the world only knew...so in honor of the woman that I barely know that is going to have to let her very wanted baby go I am giving it my best to be kind to everyone I meet.  I have not one reason not to.  I have my health, two beautiful children, a husband that I love and a somewhere to call home.  I have a family. Hey and who knows maybe the old proverb will prove true, "what goes around comes around."

Can't believe this was a year ago!  Life is chugging right along.  Noah is hard at work everyday testing my kindness quotient.

Baby Bell, still cheek pinchable but becoming more and more like her partner in crime everyday! 






Saturday, March 19, 2011

Sorry but 3 year olds can really suck!

My Noah is growing up.  He has moods that swing worse then my own and at times he makes it very hard to think of him as a three year old and not some crazed lunatic intent on destroying any last bit of sanity I have left.  He has discovered the art of manipulation and will use it on just about anyone.  On a recent outing to Ocean State Job Lot he decided that he would like for me to rip all my hair out so he started in with the LOUD INAPPROPRIATE dialogue before we even entered the store.  Things like, "my sister is a girl and she has a vagina and I am a boy and I have a penis" are being spouted off at a playground voice level.  This in turn leads to me bartering, "if you shut up you can get a piece of candy when we leave."  This inevitably fails so I resort to the in-store pinch.  For anyone with children you know this can either work like a charm or cause a even bigger scene with the child melting down with loud over dramatic crying.
On this lovely trip he decided to melt down.  Per usual some irritating old woman decides she will step in to help calm down this psychotic child.  "Oh honey what is the matter?" "Are you the big brother?" are just a few of the unhelpful things she asks my dear son who is now laying in the shopping cart trying to kick his sister in the head.  His response to this old lady, "my mother HATES ME." 
Now this is comfortable for everyone isn't it.  To bad that at that moment I think I did hate him and did not have it in me to play perfect mother with this meddling old banshee.  I just walked away without a response as she mumbled about how sweet my little monsters are.  All this leads me to the following, I do love this kid.  Even with his new mood swings, bad morning breath, and love of anything having to do with the word diarrhea.  We both have a lot of growing up to do, me and this boy!

Tonight for the most part was a good night for me and my mortal enemy.  He allowed me to cut his hair and we didn't have to discuss bodily functions even one time!  Score one for me.
Here is a pretty accurate depiction of how these two get along MOST of the time.  But I have proof that this girl LOVES her big brother.

This is Bella nuggeling with Noah's blanket while he was at school the other day.  I came into the living room and she was all snuggled with it.  She never touches it when he is home so I know she misses him when he is away.

This is a shot taken at Grammy McLean's house on Saint Patricks Day.  Cousin Connor and Noah...the two last kids on the planet that should have their hands on toy rifles.
SPRING HAS FINALLY MADE IT'S WAY TO NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!

The moon last night.  Beautiful.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My scariest day as a mother

At around 4 o'clock in the afternoon Tuesday I was taking some laundry out of the dryer and had just sat down in the living room to start folding when I see two little legs about half way up the stairs.  Now we live in a old house with very steep stairs...the kind where if you fall you will be lucky to hit even one on the way down.  Now this might make me sound like a terrible person but this little girl can climb anything and has done her share of stair climbing in the last few months.  For the most part she can get up and down without any trouble at all and as long as I am there with her she can have at it. 
I remember saying something along the lines of "Noah you know I don't like you playing near the stairs."-since he was at the top instigating her climb with promises of letting her play in his room.  I don't think I had even got all the words out when I heard that terrible noise that is a body cartwheeling down wooden stairs.  Suffice to say she fell down about 6 of the 10 stairs onto the little area rug that covers slate tile at the base of the stairwell.  Intense screaming followed, hers and mine, and then it got very scary.
You always hear not to let someone that has just received head trauma go to sleep.  Well she kept falling asleep.  I could not get her to keep her eyes open.  Cold bath, screaming, crying nothing seemed to keep her from nodding off.  Now mind you my son is running around the house behind me thinking that this is just hilarity and not quite realizing the terror of the situation.  During this time I am on the phone with my husband who is sitting in 4 lane traffic in Cambridge and totally unable to do anything and screaming that he needs to be HERE NOW!  Totally illogical but I was in a state that can only be defined as insanity at that point. 
After about 15 minutes of trying to get her to stay awake the vomiting started.  She projectile vomited about 2 times and that is when I really started to think that the floor was spinning under my feet.  I managed to call her pediatrician and they basically said to get her to the hospital STAT!  That was the longest drive of my life.  A ride that realistically takes 10 minutes felt like forever.  I  arrived and was told that she needed to be transported to Southern New Hampshire Medical Center where they could do a CT scan and X-rays.  The ambulance arrived within 5 minutes and the worst ride of my life began.
They strapped her to a spinal board with a neck brace so that she could not move at all and loaded her and me into the ambulance.  At this point Dov had arrived and was able to take Noah and follow the ambulance.  Full lights and sirens in rush hour traffic down Rt. 3 with my terrified daughter strapped down and not able to move.  I can't explain how it felt but it was so bad that it is hard to write it right now. 
We arrived and got all the necessary scans but the vomiting would not stop so they decided to transfer us to Eliot Hospital in Manchester which is affiliated with Childrens Hospital in Boston.  Here comes another ambulance, a IV insertion in a dehydrated one year old who has no idea what is going on, and a me FREAKING out! 
Well that is the guts of the story and I will spare the endless waiting and crying etc. to let you know that she was FINE.  Everything checked out OK and they said she had a small concussion.  Phew!!! But I must say that as a mother this has topped my list of most horrible, scary, life shaking events in the motherhood journey so far. 

I think today has been full of more kisses, hugs and shared glances of relief and love then we have had in a long time.  I hold her a little tighter today because I would not want another tomorrow without her.  It is amazing how much you really love your kids.  I mean REALLY love them.  You feel their pain, fear, anxiety just like it is your own but somehow even more so.  I hope we never have to go through anything this scary again...I don't think I could take it, but I know I would.  I can and will do anything for these two little babies.  I love them more then life itself.
My beautiful blue eyed baby girl


I can't love her up enough.




Noah's doctor kit that Grammy bought for him.  Taking care of his sister.  Such a good boy.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Our Wedding story

(Song-I will love you by Fisher)  Can be found by scrolling through the playlist.

The song that is playing on this blog always makes me cry.  I listened to it a awful lot before my wedding and loved it so much I almost wanted it to be our wedding song.  It was not, and for one reason.  In the song she asks if he will stay for all time.  I will never ever have that question.  I have known since the day we met that we will be together for always.  I heard this song today in the car and I just had to write a little about our wedding.  One, because it was the beginning of everything that I have written about here, but also because I can honestly say that every time I think of my wedding day I get a little sad that it is over.  What a glorious thing to feel so beautiful, marry a man that you love more then anything in the world, and have your father walk you down the aisle while everyone looks at you and remembers how they felt the day they said, I do.  The feeling is palpable and I remember every second of it like it was yesterday.  The way my dad asked me "Are you ready?" and squeezed my arm a little to tight...maybe because he wasn't ready, and how Dov was smiling, kinda too big as I got there.  I recall every single person I passed as I walked to that gazebo. 



I love how excited mom is here.  Legs fully extended and clapping.  Priceless.




 As for the ceremony we never stopped looking at each other or let go of each others hands.  The reception was everything you could have wanted.  I danced with my dad to a song we both loved and listened to when I was as old as my son is now, House on pooh corner by Loggins and Messina.  He sang the entire song to me as we danced.  I was so happy.
There are pictures from that night that might not be the best shots but I know that they capture the exact feeling of the moment.  There are three of them that I will put here.  The first is of Dov and his mom.  In this one I can see how proud she is of him.  The camera caught it and I know it now because sometimes I look at my son that way.  Granted for now I am looking down but someday I will be looking up too.
The last two here are of our first dance and last dance of the evening.  The way I look at him in these pictures is how I feel even if sometimes life gets crazy and I get crazy right along with it.  By the end of the night my dress was ripped, I was sweating from dancing, exhausted and crazy happy.  Just how I want our life to be really.


October 6, 2006

"till my body is dust and my soul is no more I will love you, love  you."-Fisher 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Yeah hi I am not just following you home. Really!

The whole reason this blog was started was because as a mom of two that stays home things can get a little ummm BORING.  Like I have mentioned before I am not a real big joiner.  I kinda really hate moms groups, mostly because they are a bunch of breastfeeding crazy types that only shop at Whole Foods but really probably because I am a extroverted introvert (if that makes sense).  I love to hang out and talk, I enjoy having people over for dinner and if you can believe it I enjoy the company of other adults but just never get around to making any connections.
Here is a perfect example, everyday when I pick my son up at preschool there is a Dodge SUV with some woman that obviously has a SON the same age as mine.  Now we put our kids in their car seats and proceed to drive home to the same street.  Do you think I have taken the initiative to say "Oh hello, you live like two houses down the street (which to be fair in New Hampshire is still .25 miles down the road).  Want to get together with the kids sometime or at least carpool since gas is like $4.00 a gallon?"  No and why because I would much rather stay in my comfort zone which is NOT comfortable at all.  I actually kind of feel like a tool driving home ten feet from her bumper and still not introducing myself.  Well why hasn't she said hello?  Probably because she is afflicted with the same ridiculous personality quirks as me.  Jeeez she sounds like my soul mate, I should get on with it already right...well we'll see, I'll let ya know at a later date.
To me the only logical solution is to go back to school or work were there is forced interaction.  That is where I thrive.  I tend to make either really good friends or pretty good enemies but hey at least it is interesting and gives me something better then Legos, Thomas trains, and the latest and greatest Facebook update to talk about.  Not that raising my kids is unsatisfactory but just like any job I guess I have my good days and bad days.  This week is just one of my off weeks where the time from 6 am to 6 pm (when hubby gets home) goes by V-E-R-Y slowly.  Next week will be different and I won't even be able to imagine leaving these two little cuties for more then a hour, so I guess I am just screwed which is fine.  I really don't have much to complain about.  My life is full and I should stop bitching and start enjoying, which I do...I can tell because for the most part my heart feels happy now my brain just needs to catch up!

I mean how miserable could I be when this little face is what I look at all day.  This is a picture that Noah took of himself.  I love these little surprise pictures I get from time to time.

xoxo
The amyrillis I mentioned in a previous post.  I still am in LOVE with the color since here in NH we still are covered in snow.  No grass showing for me yet.


Bells first tu-tu.  I don't know about her being a girly girl...she looks about as comfortable in that as I would be.  Mind the Just bee you written on her shirt.  If she could talk I think she would say So not me!

Monday, March 7, 2011

OMG FML and any other abbreviated expletive!

Yup so I know back when I started this blog I had written about our lovely OLD house and the many little problems that came with it.  Well Houston we have the biggest one yet!  I knew from the day that I looked at the house that it had a damp basement.  I mean the house is 100 years old in New Hampshire were the soil is ummmm solid granite and also well it's a fieldstone basement.  We were graced with all this lovely beautiful snow (NOT) and now a couple warm days and some rain which has created what I will call a shit storm in our basement.  No sump pump that WE currently own is going to fix this problem...I need the GD fire department to pump out this lake.  My furnace and hot water heater are all about 2 inches from total failure and that is a couple grand that I don't really need to spend right now!  Too bad that the Wilton Fire Department basically laughed in my face when I called in a absolute panic this morning.  I guess they are to busy trying to keep downtown from being submerged by the Souhegan.
There are things that are floating down there that I didn't know existed.  I am about ready to say screw it and move back in with my parents.  This responsible adult shit is for the birds.

Here is a shot of my furnace which I would really like to keep from going under water so if any one has a pail and a day off get in touch I have lots of beer and wine left over from Bells birthday party!

Speaking of which Bells party went great!  The boys (Noah and cousin Connor) were a little rambunctious but over all I think everyone had a good time.  Bell made out like a bandit and scored a whole new spring wardrobe so that is pretty sweet since we are probably about to go broke replacing all our appliances in the basement.  Well hubby is on the way home because I have called him upwards of 30 times this morning FREAKING out.  He is arriving with pumps and hoses that luckily he can borrow from work so we shall see how it goes.  If is doesn't work out Noah is going to build us a ark and we are gonna sail down the Souhegan to visit the dear man that sold us the house and wring his neck!
Hopefully the next post can be a little lighter but for now I am just really PISSED OFF.
End of the night after Bells party!  She looks pooped.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Warning second hand cancer is bad for your health!

So today I got another one of those really crappy cancer phone calls.  This time it isn't exactly a family member but it still carries the same horrible feeling.  I hate those phone calls and I can't help but feel like I have had more then my share and it is starting to really piss me off.  I might just have to do one of those friggin 3 day walks just to work out the anger that second hand cancer brings with it. 
On a better note Bells birthday party is tomorrow so I have been cooking all day and the house smells so good that I have been hungry the entire day!  Pulled BBQ beef brisket, molasses hamburg baked beans, creamy coleslaw just to name a few of the delicacies on the menu for my baby girls big day.  I think I have given up on trying to keep the toys organized since every time I do a sweep of the living room the kiddos become even more determined to drag things down from their rooms and open any box that contains multiple pieces.
I also got another surprise this morning when I awoke...my amaryllis has bloomed!  So beautiful, big and ORANGE.  Now that was a surprise, a very welcomed one since it is one of my favorite colors for a flower.  Hubby has the camera today or else I would post a pic of it.  I have become obsessed with color since we cannot get rid of this ugly dirty snow!  I have a few little things growing in containers on windowsills just so I can think spring now and then. 
That's it for now not that interesting of a post but good enough.  Oh and for anyone that might happen to read this post, send a prayer out to our family friend that has a pretty big battle to fight in the coming months. 
My Noah loves to cook with me.  His fav...blueberry muffins.

 My Bella also loves to be in the kitchen but usually she just tears through the spice rack.  Nutmeg seems to be her favorite!
This is what I am dreaming about during this long dreary winter!  Outer Banks of North Carolina.

Dov fishing the outer banks...it had little to do with the fishing and more with oh I don't know THE VIEW.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Isabella's story

Isabella Shirlene Jaffe, my second born's birth story is a little more fresh in my memory so may be a tad bit more detailed.  My husband and I had just upped and moved 900 mile away from all our family and friends to live in Staunton Virginia, one of the most beautiful and scenic areas in the country, hello skyline drive!  We had moved there because Dov was going to be upgrading the water treatment facility in nearby Stuarts Draft.  I had a sneaking suspicion that I might be pregnant the first week we were there but it wasn't till the end of the second week that I decided that I wanted to know for sure. 
Things were very uneventful for the first 11 weeks.  Baby's heartbeat was strong and I made a trip back to Massachusetts to let everyone in on the news.  I was scheduled for my nuchal translucency ultrasound at 13 weeks and was eagerly looking forward to it since that was when we found out the sex of our first born Noah.  I could hardly wait the day of the test, I layed there while the doctor measured and remeasured and then remeasured all the while thinking that this is taking a little to long.  About 45 minutes later he said OK lets go to my office and have a talk.  I remember sitting there while he looked at all the pics that I could not wait to get my hands on.  "Well I wish I had better news for you."  Here comes the sinking heart, the racing pulse, the instant headache.  "Your daughter has a lot of fluid behind her neck.  We like to see below 2 at this gestation and hers is 3.6."  Not so bad I am thinking...I was wrong.  "This puts your risk of Downs syndrome at 1 in 24 and Trisomy 18 at 1 in 700." 
I remember saying thank you and scheduling my next appointment but inside I think I was literally dying, or at least wanted to.  I immediately got home told my husband that we were having a girl and she probably had Downs syndrome then going into my room and staying there for ohhh I don't know like a week.  I had made the decision that I would have the CVS done (similar to a amniocentesis) so we would know one way or the other.  After a two week wait the results came back that Isabella did not have Down syndrome but that they wanted to take a good look at her heart since the fluid can be due to a deformed heart.  Well great bring on another 3 week wait for my fetal echo, which went very well, no heart defects found.
All this scary prenatal testing had spun me into a complete and total wreck.  It did not matter what the tests said I had become convinced that she had some genetic defect that they didn't find.  It turned me into a depressed, crazy hormonal basket case who could easily spend hours researching what it meant to have a increased nuchal translucency.  Two psychiatrist and 6 months later I went into labor on March 3 2010 while enjoying some Jersey Shore.  I was terrified that at the moment of birth they would notice something and my life would be forever changed.  I put on a brave face but inside I was so nervous.  Her labor was easier then I could have imagined.  I was at the hospital at 3pm she was born at 9pm.  She was perfect, well except that she had a large salmon patch (infant vascular birth mark).  They did hear a loud murmur the night she was born so she was closely monitored for that but two days later she came home and has been as healthy as a horse since.
It is amazing how having something like that can make you become so much more attuned to other peoples feelings, and suffering.  I still frequent the babycenter boards and try to bring comfort to moms who have just had their pregnancy rocked with bad testing results.  It also made me really see what a lucky woman I am to have such a supportive and wonderful husband.  He never believed for one second that his baby girl was anything less then perfect.  He kept me as grounded as he could and put his feelings in the background so that I wouldn't see his fear.  I know I have thanked him before for that but babe thanks again.  You said that no matter what we could deal with it and you know what you were right, we can deal with anything together.  I love you.

two hours into labor about 10 minutes before epidural.

View from my room...the two mountains in the distance I kept saying looked like boobs?...who knows.

Here she is!

She looks massive here 8lbs 5oz 21 inches long!  Bigger then her Brother.

Getting ready for her first bath.

All clean.  I love how she is holding the cord. 

Daddy with his baby girl

Just love it!

My little Humpty Dumpty!

My pretty little girl!  Always keeping it interesting.