The Daily Toilings Of A Part Time Stay At Home Mom

Lets see.  How did I start smoking...I remember clear as day.  All throughout high school you could not have met a bigger anti-smoking advocate.  If I found a friend smoking the ration of shit that followed would scare them into the closet, and then their car would forever smell of Yankee candle car spray and stale nicotine.  Or they would just deal with the annoying barrage of insults thrown their way about the smell, the cancer, the yellow teeth etc.  I was the girl who cried, "I grew up with a smoker and it is disgusting and nasty and blah blah blah." Still a smoking virgin here. Fast forward to a breakup, graduating high school, and the impending move away from family and friends for college.  Those were the ingredients I needed to make my excuse that I wanted, slash that, NEEDED a cigarette.  The first pack of "butts" were amazing.  It was like a legal buzz.  The light headed feeling, the low hum in your ears, the impending lack ...

I ventured out to do a few last minute Christmas shopping errands today and realized in short order that staying away from the holiday craziness would be better.  So back home I went to deck the house out with flamboyant Christmas decor.  I swagged, bowed, collected, twisted, cut, twirled and hunted birch bark...with a little help from Mr. Noah.  Yes I have that kind of time people.  Time spent doing crafts for our home with my kids is time NOT wasted.  They love the little jobs as much as I love looking at our finished products.  Noah collects pine cones and searches for the BESTEST birch limb and I cut evergreens and twist wire...it is good people...real good. We also have decided to reclaim our downstairs.  ALL THE TOYS HAVE BEEN BANISHED TO THE SPARE BEDROOM.  Does that mean that they play up there?  No.  What it actually means is that I spend lots of time lugging toys back upstairs after they are done playing with it down here. ...

So to get in line with the whole holiday cheer movement I have decided to make the best of this monstrous head cold.  Here is one MAJOR bonus of having so much mucus in your sinuses that it feels like your cranium is filled with cement.  Your daughter can take a dump at probably 7 am and you won't smell it.  Nope, not till you see it oozing out the side around 9 am.  That is when you will know...you have had a motherhood fail.  Not that she minds, she will fight you tooth and nail to stay in that shitty rag.  I mean really!?  Your butt is being eaten away by poo and you want to scream and cry and wriggle around getting shiat everywhere in the process just because I am trying to clean you up!  No good deed goes unpunished right?  Screw you little lady.  Well not really screw her but ya...screw her.  Well that wasn't as cheery as I had hoped but it is the bright side of being sick right? Okay so there is the head cold and then the ...

Every year is the same.  I know Christmas is coming.  Since October 1st there have been Holiday decorations up at Target...and not Halloween ones, frigging Christmas ones!  So I have been walking around my favorite store in the world with huge blinders on.  It is one of the most exhaustive exercises,  spending money that YOU DO NOT HAVE on CRAP PEOPLE REALLY DON'T WANT just because it's Christmas!!   I mean there have been a handful of Christmas's that I have gotten something I could not live without...this year will be one of them.  Tires.  Yes you heard correct, I am getting tires from my husband.  And truthfully, what is more meaningful then your spouse not wanting you to careen off the road with both the kids in the car during a blizzard?  I think you'd be hard pressed to find anything as heartfelt as that.  Would I love some new bling on my fingers? Sure, but what would happen is about two hours after the exhilaration had worn...

Thanksgiving is pretty much the same for everybody I know.  You either are the host or the guest.  It typically involves a table set for 8 or more adults and 4 or more children.  Lots of pre-day planning, meal prep, side dish options, appetizers galore, enough booze to sink a ship, and LOTS AND LOTS of money spent.  Not this year.  This time I am keeping it simple.  We won't be packing the kids for a hour and a half ride nor will I be panicking for a week prior about who likes what and who will sit where.  We are staying home.  Maybe that sounds boring to some but to the mother of two young children who likes to get her drink on after turkey, it works out just fine.  No driving, no stressing, no sweating over if there is enough gravy to go around. To top off the unconventional holiday plan we are having lamb instead of turkey...OK I bought a small turkey breast, mostly for the smell not the taste, since turkey tastes to me like dried out c...

So as for the break the blog has been taking...I just have not been inspired.  By anything.  The kids aren't being cute, the dog is still an asshole, and Dov has been working an insane amount of hours and I am here alone with the kids for days at a time.  All this leads to me being, for lack of better terms, burnt the hell out!  That, and for some absurd reason my internal clock has set itself to wake up at 4:30 am EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I then lie in bed and have severe anxiety over how F-ING tired I am going to be come 7 o' clock the next evening when the kids are whining and needing tubs and jammies and stories and constant attention!  The constant attention would be for Bella.  That precious angel has become ungodly whiny and clingy and it IS NOT HER TEETH.  If one more person says " Oh, she must be cutting some teeth." I will freak out.  She is not getting any teeth...she just loves to be held...ALL THE TIME.  It does not matter if ...

The blog is taking a nap.