Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I f***ing hate squirrels okay

I have a problem.  I always wondered why the hell anyone would want to feed wild birds. Why they become obsessed with various seeds, feeders, and the types of birds that were eating in their yard, well I have become one of these assholes.  I actually started out with a bird feeder from the Dollar store and when that of course broke before it even got out of the bag I stepped it up to a cedar one from Walmart (oh la la) that cost a whopping 10 dollars.  I wasn't even really that excited about it until I actually saw the cutest little birds enjoying the fruits of my feeder.  I saw at least 6 different kinds until I spied the squirrels circling the perimeter.  There were at least 3 of those little bastards and I knew their plan.  It was not more then a day of joyful bird watching before the yard rats moved in to destroy a beautiful thing.

So I went crazy.  I immediately got on google and researched how to keep squirrels out of your bird feeder.  Short of a .22 the answers were simple, you have two options, one being cayenne pepper spread around the area and in the bird seed the second one being actually put some thought and money into a GOOD bird feeder, probably not one from the Dollar tree or Walmart, that has a plastic dome meant for keeping these horrid creatures out.  To be truthful there were actually three solutions but the third involved actually feeding the gray rats and I was not interested at all in that so I omitted it as a option. 

Into the spice rack I go where I find this little container.  Yes we all know how this is going to end. Badly.  In all my rage I go out to stop them once and for all.  Now I am 5 feet tall on a good day and the bird feeder is about 6 feet off the ground.  Here I am on my tiptoes trying to pour cayenne pepper into the bird seed on a lovely gusty day.  So cayenne pepper, being a very fine particulate, goes swirling into the air all around and of course up my nose and into my eyes.  Yes I have just maced myself 5 minutes before having to go pick up my son at school.  As I dance around my yard swearing, crying, and sneezing what do I see...a fucking squirrel hanging off my bird feeder, and I could swear he was laughing at me.  Bastards. Sadly that was not the end.  I went out there later in the day and sprayed the entire pole down with PAM cooking spray.  Yeah that deterred the creature that can leap 10 feet in a single bound...please someone help me, I have lost my shit!

Today I tried to get Dov to leave his .22 for me but seeing how the cayenne pepper worked out he said no.  So now I just get to sit back and watch the squirrels eat the last of my bird seed and it is infuriating me to no end.  If anyone has some good ways to keep squirrels out of your feeders and or yard in general I want and need to hear them.  Please.  They are winning.   Needless to say I think I might be all done with the wild birds because as of yesterday we are officially backyard farmers with our own Rhode Island Red baby chicks that should be arriving any day.  Give me strength because if I react this way to coyotes stalking my chickens I don't think I will fair very well...lets just hope cayenne pepper isn't the solution for them as well.
My sad little empty bird feeder.  It wasn't enough for them to just devour the bird seed they had to screw up my mulch in the process.  Evil creatures I tell ya EVIL!
**  Sorry for the strong language in this post but I am truly heated.  Oh and I wouldn't really shoot the squirrels...that is what my husband is for**


  1. Hi, I am one of your newest fans from Bloggy Moms.



  2. Hi there!! Really like your blog!! I'm now following from MBC.com Hope you can come by and check out my blog and store!

  3. Found you from The Poop Whisperer. You crack me up! I HATE birds and yard rats even more... I say pull the plug on that feeder. OR, steal the 22.

  4. Kimberly,
    The plug has been pulled on the feeder...I just couldn't take the aggrevation for another second! I was running out the door like a lunatic 40 times a day yelling YA YA GET OUT OF HERE!!! My neighbor was starting to give me dirty looks. Thanks for reading :)