Thursday, September 29, 2011

Time to go play in traffic.

I have stumbled upon something great on Stumbleupon.  This amazing thing called stereomood.  You can pick a mood out of their list and then it plays a very eclectic mix of music to suit how your feeling.  Yes the music is not radio top 40 but it is awesomely good.  I love it.  Here listen.  Although the other morning I put on one station that played Mexican mariachi music...not my cup of tea so I vacumed to it.  That worked out great.  See!  Making the best of the worst of it people.

I am starting to question even more why I have a dog.  I tried to take him on a quick errand yesterday, with the kids, to the garden center at the end of my street.  DISASTER.  I left the driver side window down about 6 inches and walked about 10 feet away.  The damn dog literally tried to squeeze his entire body through the window.  Panting, yelping, acting like a complete tool.  I really wanted to open the door and let him run into traffic but I was already severely embarrassed that everyone in the garden center was now staring at the pathetic loser of a dog hanging out of my window.  So there is that issue.  And he sheds like a monster.  I mean winter is coming, WHAT UP DOG?!  Oh and him and my daughter think it is OK to kiss with tongue.  Gag.

 I probably should have stuck with chickens.  Chickens are the best pets.  Low maintenance, eat ticks, and give you eggs.  Way better then the dog.  Although he seems to have developed a taste for chicken poop so that saves me from having to scrape it off the driveway.  Now if he would just eat his own poop it would save me from having to scrape it off the children's shoes.  Now the part about him and Bell is even grosser huh?

Wassup chickens?

The dog still does that submissive pissing thing.  How do you not react?  I seriously want to know where you develop the level of patience it takes to deal with a dog that pisses every time you go to get the mail.  Or you come home from work.  Because I know Dov loves nothing more then cleaning up piss after a 2 hour commute.  Love you honey, but if I have to clean up that animals urine one more time today, not to mention the whole other dog that he shedded off, I will kill him.  I mean it.

Anywho I have play date numero dos today at my new pal's house.  I have a friend...wooohoooo.  Go me!
Just to add insult to injury I took a picture of the post work urine clean up.  Check out ole psycho eyes under the table.

This is why he is still alive.  These momentary glimpses of cuteness. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

Goodbye toddler bed, goodbye rear facing car seat.

This weekend we got rid of Noah's toddler bed.  The little blue race car bed from Little Tike's that he has been sleeping in since a little before his second birthday.  He was totally pumped and I was totally ambivalent.  I could have cared less if he slept in that race car bed till he was 20 years old.  We also sold Bella's infant car seat.  It was a weekend of letting go.  I know that we are moving on and out of the baby stage and it feels good...but in a bittersweet kind of way.

I love not having to pack a diaper bag for trips to the grocery store.

I love not waking up 3 to 6 times a night

I love that I don't have to spend 60+ dollars a month on formula.

I love that I do not have to lug a 50 pound car seat around EVERY PLACE I GO. ( I swear I have a hunch back from that damn thing.)

I love not burping a baby.  Seriously that was the friggin worst.  2:00 am.  Dead silence, pitch black and baby just finished a feeding.  You have been patting the babes back for the better part of an burp.  Do you put them back to bed and pray that they did burp and you were too deliriously tired to hear it?  You already know that just as you fall into that nice deep sleep your baby is either going to awake screaming with inconsolable gas pains or else vomit all over the crib...Then you can feel guilty and tired.  Awesome right?  Nope, I will not miss that.

I love that my children are done teething.

I love that they do not need to visit the pediatricians office EVERY SINGLE MONTH.  Where they will receive shots EVERY SINGLE TIME while you physically restrain them.  That is seriously the ONLY time I want to hit a nurse.

I love that I no longer have to sit in the pediatricians waiting room for a hour every month with my immune compromised infant, while snot nosed kids like mine run around wiping boogers on all surfaces...seriously those places are like petri dishes.  DISGUSTING.

The list goes on but those are the major ones.  There are plenty of things that I will miss about those days too.  I mean what smells better then a tiny baby?  Nothing.  I  already know that I miss nap times that lasted more then a half hour.  Not to mention that within that thirty minutes of pretend napping there are a barrage of requests for a drink and at least two bathroom trips.  But I am looking forward to some things too.  Like actually being able to fall asleep in bed with Noah after stories.  I totally did not fit in that race car bed.  I am also looking forward to regaining a smidgen of my freedom back.  I can assure you that it is much easier to find babysitters for children that don't soil themselves on the hour.  Oh I know each stage comes with it's pros and cons.  I am looking forward to what's next.  I think?

From this...

To this.

My big boy.

Friday, September 23, 2011

The rooster found his way to the man cave.

So as I sit here sipping some yummy Red Velvet Cupcake wine (thanks Amy), watching Dov hang a ceiling fan over the wood stove, I decided to blog.  Probably not the wisest idea since wine and blogging seldom mix.  Anything written after two glasses must remain in draft form till sobriety has come round'. 

But something funny happened.  Well...funny if you are a redneck wood dweller like myself.

Tonight, when the kids were still awake and Dov had just started this little ceiling fan project, there were lots of trips to the garage to gather supplies for this obviously laboursome task.  Around the hundredth trip Dov calls for me.  I walk out to the garage (which is attached to the kitchen) and he is standing at his work bench.  "Do you hear that?"  "Um, no." "I have been out here a couple of times and I keep hearing something..." he says.  I look up to find...

Our rooster.  Obviously the hens have had enough of his shit.  He was huddled up in man town with Dov's tools and nude poster.  AND NOT BUDGING.  It took a half hour and lots of crashing tools to get him back in that coop.  Even then he went kicking and screaming, refusing to look at the girls who were already tucked in tight for the night.

Don't look at me.
At last check he was sitting on the floor of the chicken coop while the girls are perched on the highest roosting box.  Clucking away while he typical.  Just had to share that little story...have a great weekend all!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Baby steps

Not sure if you remember but 7 and a half months ago I wrote this post.  As a synopsis...I am a lame person that would rather duck and run then speak to the mother of a child that goes to school with my son and lives next door.  Yes.  I am awesome. 

In that post I mentioned that I would try to work on my communication skills and maybe speak to this woman.  Well ladies and gentlemen I have done it.  I am going to her house today at 1 with Noah and Bella.  GO ME!  Only took 7 months.  Not so bad right?  Hahahaha.  The best part...I made her come to me.  Oh and it was SUPER AWKWARD.  Want to know why??  Because I am socially misguided.  Here is the tale.

My son goes to a integrated pre-school.  There are children with all sorts of different special needs.  Some speech delays, some physical delays and some typical kiddos.  I love this program.  There are triple the amount of teachers and half the number of kids.  Noah gets the benefits of occupational therapist, speech therapist, and physical therapist.  I have to admit, at first I was a little leary but that was ridiculous...he friggin loves it there and has made many friends, unlike me.

This neighbor, who's son goes to school with Noah, came up to me one day about 4 months ago and says, "Hi I think we are neighbors?"  I act all surprised.  "Oh really?"  "Yes maybe I have followed you home every day for the past year. Sure, ya we are neighbors."  She goes on to say that her son is in the autism program and that they have a group to help develop social skills at her house once a week and would I like Noah to join them.  Now at this point I might have told her that Noah is not in the autism program but that I would love for him to be able to join.  Nope.  Not social misfit me.  She goes on to say that the director of the program will give me a call with the details and the next date for the playgroup.  Needless to say the director never calls me because Noah is not enrolled in the autism program.  Do I go back over to my neighbor and say anything after a couple of weeks have passed?  No.  I just let it get really weird and then I avoid any eye contact.

Jump to the new school year.  Neighbor lady comes up to my car and says, "I am so sorry.  I just thought Noah was in the program and that is why I never got back to you about the playgroup.  But my son talks about Noah all the time so I would still love for him to come."  Me..."Oh that is ok, sure sign us up!"  Then I procede to tell her that I have like one friend in NH and that I am in desperate need of some adult companionship.  Now we might be walking buddies.  Aren't I cool?  No.  Whatever people, baby steps.  The next leap is wine buddy.  That is a prerequisite for any lasting friendship of mine.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Said it once say it a thousand times

For anyone that reads this blog it is no secret that my daughters pregnancy was rough to say the least.  You can read it HERE if you have not already.  In my most scared, terrified moments I would go to one of the last places I ever thought I would go, Babycenter.  Why would I not want to visit a website solely dedicated to pregnancy and children?  Because it would remind me of how abnormal my pregnancy was every time I would log in and see another stupid update in my birth month club about whether to name the baby Bethany or Jasmine, or if the slice of deli meat they ate that day was going to do irreparable harm to their unborn child.  All of these women were so excited and thinking about all the fun, carefree stuff that you should be thinking about during your second trimester and I was waiting on CVS results and fetal echos, micro arrays, and level II ultrasounds.  I just wanted to scream and smash my computer when someone would complain that they wanted a boy and they just found out it was a girl.  I mean didn't they know that they were lucky that nobody found anything "wrong" with their baby?  Couldn't they just be happy that they didn't have to sit around feeling a baby move inside of them that they just COULD NOT BOND with due to all anxiety caused by the prenatal testing?
Luckily for me I found several boards on Babycenter that were full of moms that were traveling the same crappy road that I was on.  All of us for different reasons but all of us had the same fears and anxieties, and I am a firm believer that as awful as it sounds, misery DOES love company.  I got endless comfort from these women's kind words and encouragement. They let me believe that even in the most tear filled, breathless, terrified moment  that I could get through this.  Reading those posts was just about the only time that I would feel as if things could possibly work out OK.  I never forgot about all those Moms and moms-to-be and the day that Isabella was born I made sure to return to that board and post MY story so that someone else could find comfort and maybe a moment of optimism in one of their darkest times.  When I found that I was returning to that board often, sharing any information or wisdom that I had gathered during my pregnancy I decided to start a board of my own.  One just for mothers that were given the same prenatal diagnosis of a elevated Nuchal translucency.  I really can't explain how much I feel for these moms.  It may seem like wallowing or reliving a horrible moment to some people but I find that it is the most grounding thing.  It is very easy during a rough patch in life to say things like, "If this works out fine then I will be a better person" and as soon as things are looking up you are right back to bitching about the weather and the laundry.  Every time I go onto that board and read another post from a mom who has just received the devastating news that something could be wrong with their baby I am reminded of how fortunate I am.  I am reminded that before this I was very ignorant and foolish to think that "these" things only happened to "other" people .  Even the fact that I had a sibling born with Spina Bifida wasn't enough for me to realize that pregnancy doesn't always go picture perfect.  When you find out that you are pregnant you give up the right to have control over what is in store for you.  Whether you will have a boy or a girl, brown hair or red hair, colicky or quiet, brain surgeon or taxi driver, 46 or 47 chromosomes.  There is so much to be grateful for every single day and as much as I like to think that I bring them some hope on one of their hardest days it is actually them that give me a strong consciousness about life and what really matters and I can assure you deli meat is not the end of the world. 
In the moment that I laid eyes on that little girl it wouldn't have mattered if something was "wrong".  It was like all the anxiety turned to love and boy let me tell you, that was a whole lotta love baby.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I love you a bushel and a peck.

A day spent at the orchard with the kids is a day well spent.  Until you get in the car to leave and your daughter, who decided to taste test every apple we picked, hurls all over herself and the entire back seat of the truck.  Other then the vomit it was a great day.  The weather was nice and cool and we got to take a hayride on the back of my husbands dream machine, a John Deere tractor.  My cousin Jen and her two kiddos Carina and William came along too.  Here we are riding over to the orchard.

I was smart this time around and brought the kids wagon.  Last year we ended up with a disaster on our hands when Noah decided 4 minutes into apple picking that he was "tired" and wanted to ride in the umbrella stroller that we had brought to push Bell around in.  So me and hubs had to switch off carrying Bella and pushing a umbrella stroller with a cranky 3 year old through a bumpy field...not easy.  This year the wagon came and it worked like a charm.  Bell pretty much remained stationary in the wagon taking a bite out of every apple in the bag and Noah and Carina jumped in and out as they pleased.  We made Dad pull it since all apple orchards are on small mountains.  Good ole Dad.  Love that guy. 

After all the apple and pear picking we could handle we headed over to check out the pumpkins and livestock.  Noah and Carina's highlight was definitely the pony ride.  Carina even had it take a poo while she rode, all very exciting.

Baby William was as content as could be all day.  What a cutie pie.

Never any bad shots at the orchard.

This one friggin killed me.  I didn't even look at it till we got home since I was the one holding Bell up.  She was by no means being hung up there but you wouldn't know that from looking at her.  I guess it is a good thing that she didn't puke here.  That could have been messy...

Of course I had to get in on the fun!

Bell in the crooked farm house.  Dov seems to think she resembles Jack Nicholson in The Shining here.

After all the fun we had at apple picking we went on over to the Toomey household for some delicious Chili and Apple crisp...oh and some football.  It was a perfect fall day.


Friday, September 16, 2011

Unsolicited reminising

On several occasions in my life, OK often, people have told me that I take things "the wrong way".  That I "read into things too much".  This could very well be a glaring example of that or it could clearly illustrate my sentiments about know it all WAY better then you Moms.

Yesterday I stopped into Michaels craft store with my daughter while Noah was at school.  We browsed around for the better part of an hour and all the while my daughter, who is 18 months old, asked "whatha" "what's that" about every single object we passed.  By the time I got to the counter her continuous onslaughts of "whatha" had faded into the background of my head while I loaded up the counter with my goods.  The cashier starts smiling with that goofy "I would do it better then you" grin.  As I finished putting my stuff on the counter while constantly wrestling impulse items out of my daughters chubby little fingers the cashier looks at me and says, "Is she asking "what's that?".  Yes, I say.  She has been saying it the entire time we have been here.  She has been saying it the entire ride here.  She has been saying it for the entire morning before we left the house.  She has been saying it in my dreams at night.  The cashier looks at me and says, "you can always tell first time moms from moms that have multiple children".  Now I say, WHATHA?  "Yes when I had my first I answered them EVERY SINGLE TIME" she says to me.  "But I had twins so I was always a first time mom" she goes on to say.  Well good for you dear.  Are you saying that you never ignored a single request from your little darling twins?  Because I see that you are at work and not at home with those little bundles of joy.  You're also working at Michaels not on Wall Street.  I have an idea!  Go home and be with those little angels and keep up the good work answering ALL OF THEIR QUESTIONS.  Or better yet  MIND YOUR F-ING business and I will mind mine.

Now people did I take this the wrong way?  I didn't say anything nasty to her I just smiled and said the usual, "Wow twins? You must have been busy?"  and she gave me the "Oh I loved every minute of it" speech even though she could not have been a day over 35.  If she is all done raising them then they are in foster care.  This type of thing happens all the time when you go out with your kids.  It is said to the unsuspecting mother under the guise of reminiscing about their own parenting days or maybe as helpful tips meant to fix all your problems but all it succeeds in doing is making me want to rip your face off and then take my 400 pound diaper bag and beat you with it.  Alright I don't condone the violence but I seriously raged inside my head for a hour after I left.  Don't you think as a Mom we have it hard enough?  By the time I actually get to the store I have had to feed, bathe, clothe, and comfort 3 human beings.  I am lucky I am still awake never mind answering all my children's endless questions.  Lets leave the moms to their misery OK.  We feel shitty enough without your interjections.

Well that is my rant for Friday.  This weekend marks MY personal official start to Fall.  Apple picking.  I can't wait!  Have a good weekend everyone...and when you see a mother out with her children...keep your opinions to yourself.  :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What a difference a year makes

Fall is almost here and it is by far my favorite season.  One, because it marks me and hubs anniversary, five years baby, and two because I like apple picking, pumpkin carving, and not hearing about how YOU are on vacation.  If I don't have a elaborate trip to a fancy beach house planned then I certainly do not want to hear about how you do.  K.  Good.

It was exactly a year ago this week that we closed on our house.  It is amazing how much can happen in just one year.  I look back at pictures of when we were moving in and Isabella was still a stationary baby.  You know the stage where you can put them down in one spot and when you return they are still there.  It is the best baby stage, well, when compared to the next one where they are guaranteed to break, spill, or hurt themselves if left unattended for more then 1 minute.

Bell 3 months after we moved in...about 9 months old
Here she is yesterday.  18 months.  What a difference a year makes.
In our first year of home ownership we have learned a great deal about snow removal, heating costs, wet basements, furnace maintenance, rodent control, and lawn care along with septic systems, and what caliber bullet does the best job on chipmunks that reside in your gutters.  Oh and if you think that chipmunks are cute and killing them is awful just wait till YOU have to replace your hose 5 times in a summer because those bastards keep chewing through it.  I was all for doing target practice with those things.  Especially after one tried to play chicken with me and the lawn mower one day and darted out of the gutter right in front of me.  Talk about heart attack.  I don't know what I thought was coming out of the gutter but my heart was set on COBRA and that is how I reacted.  Just like a big gigantic poison snake was coming to get me.  Shortly after that we got a riding lawn mower.  Not that it goes very fast but I feel I have a better chance of survival against garden snakes and chipmunks when I am on my trusty rider.

So this week all the fall decor will come out of the boxes.  Plastic pumpkins, fake orange and red flowers, leaf garland, and apple scented Yankee candles will start to take over any available table space in the house.  I will plant some mums and hope they do as well as the one below.  This mum was one of the many that decorated the gazebo at our wedding and now it sits outside my doorway.  Doing VERY well I might add.

Anytime you have to use twine to tie up your mum you know you might be developing some gardening skillz.

It is one of the two pictured here.  Kind of cool I think, especially since I always thought mums were pretty much a annual flower.  I know they technically are perennials but that they almost never come back in the tough zone 4/5 area or if I personally planted it...yet another thing I have learned as a homeowner.  Well it did and I am going to chalk that up as a good omen.  Bring on the fall! 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Weekend wrap up

This weekend we planned on installing our new chimney and hearth.  Thank the heavens above that Dov's brother Otom was able to come and help because jeezuz this took F-O-R-E-V-E-R.  I imagine that with only one person doing the installation it might never reach completion.  It also doesn't help that they shipped us the entire stainless chimney but managed to leave out 2 of the most crucial pieces.  Good thing we are master improvisers!  
Friday night we sanded and painted the wood stove.  This is the same wood stove that was in the house I grew up in.  Since the paint is highly toxic we had to burn off the fumes outdoors so we had a fabulous wood stove campfire on Saturday night after the boys had wrapped up for the day.  Check us out.
The only thing remotely classy about this photograph is the Natty Light.  From the wood horses, to the Simplicity lawn mower this picture screams WE HAVE TONS OF MONEY!  Right?  Moving on.  Well it is slightly amazing that exactly one week from Dov getting the crap beat out of him by a falling tree and chainsaw that he had the guts to climb out on to the top of our roof.  Don't worry we followed OSHA rules BY THE BOOK.  First we pulled Otom's van into the side yard and foraged around in the garage for some rope long enough to throw over the side of the roof.  Then we tied Dov up and sent him packing.  What do you mean that isn't how you do it?  Welp it worked!  Here's proof.

The kids were all incredibly unhelpful helpful the entire time.  Noah made sure he grabbed any tool they might need and ran off with it at crucial moments and Bella did her best to hide all the screws under the deck.  Me, well I cooked the meals and did the beer runs. 
The part of this project that I have been looking forward to was designing the hearth.  We decided on slate and one of Dov's work buddies that is a welder manufactured a sweet metal frame for us.  See.
Now this whole thing is removable even after we are all done.  Just take the 4 billion pound stove off and out it goes!  Pretty sweet I think.  The slate that goes within, we puzzled together while highly intoxicated the previous night so that it would fit "perfectly".  For anyone that doesn't know already, you get WAY better at puzzles when you are drunk.  So anyways this is how it goes down.

Yes it got messy.  That and I realized that my husband has severe cement anxiety.  Throughout the whole project he never lost his temper.  That was until he started messing with the cement.  Then it was like he had a ticking bomb in his pants.  Quiet entertaining.  I don't think it helped when I started suggesting that we "STICK" things in the our children's feet and hands.  I did win.  In the end I got away with these two things.

I mean who  doesn't love a babies foot.  Oh and since this whole thing is removable, if we ever sell the house we can take it with us!  GRRRREAT.

It is a work of love for this guy.

The fireplace is still not in yet.  By Friday I hope to do a blog about the finished product.  We just have to figure out how Dov and I will haul that stove onto the platform with out both getting a hernia.  Again I can't thank Otom enough.  Couldn't have done it without him.  So far I am really happy.  Screw you Suburban Propane.  5,000 dollars to heat my house!  I'll show you.
Luck was on our side this weekend!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Mad Men Obsession

I have become addicted to something other then red wine.  Mad Men.  That show about the 1960's ad agency.  Yes I am aware that it has been on for years already but I have been too busy getting knocked up and raising kids to REALLY get into a series.  Well besides Dexter.  I can't stop watching them!  So I guess it is good that there are like 400 episodes to catch up on.  It is like having all the work place drama without actually having to go to work.  SUPER.  The rain has also instigated the problem so hopefully when the sun comes out of hiding I will be able to cut down to only 5 episodes a night and not be a walking dead person in the morning.

In other news Noah has gone back to preschool.  This will make his third year attending preschool.  Poor kid thinks he will never get to go to big boy school.  This has freed up some time for what else, MAD MEN!  Yes I am obsessed.  Noah loves to go to school and I love to see him go.  I have a hard time relating to the Mom's that hem and haw about how they cried for a month blah blah.  I can honestly say that by the time Noah started his first preschool program in Virginia at 2 years old that it was a life saver...for him.  Not even a couple of weeks after we moved down there I called Dov at work to tell him that if I didn't get away from this child for a few hours a week that it was going to get ugly.  So 1 day and 2 tours later Noah was enrolled at Montessori.  It was the best thing that ever happened to him or me.  He learned to talk and I learned how to not fantasize about wringing his neck every five minutes.  Win win if you ask me.  All kidding aside it has been a great experience.  I think it is good for kids to get out and socialize with peers and make monstrous art that I have to hang all over the refrigerator.
Noah heading off to Montessori in Va.  2 years old.

Heading to Florence Rideout Preschool.  Age 4 years
So here's to another school year!  Here's to runny noses, coughs, temperatures, strep throat, and maybe even the flu.  Oh and possibly some more gorgeous art work.  Now for some Mad Men.

Baby sister is thoroughly enjoying not having to share ANYTHING!  But she ain't taking any chances!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Couple of random thoughts

*Craigslist is full of people that should be shot at point blank range.  If you say you are coming to pick something up that is going to require the help of 3 men and also re -arrangement of the entire basement and then you fail to show up and call three hours after you were supposed to arrive and say, "ummm can I come tomorrow?"  I have the right to kick you in the privates when you get here.  Not to mention that we RUSHED back from Massachusetts to be here you jack ass.

*For some reason lately I take EVERYTHING EXTREMELY PERSONAL.  I don't know why but I have always been a little this way but now it seems that I am  A LOT this way.  I go home and stew on things for weeks and get angrier and angrier...sounds healthy right?

*My kids make me nuts and I dream of going back to work on a CONSTANT basis.  I swear Suzy homemaker is needing a serious overhaul.

*My washing machine smells horrible.  What the hell should I do?  Bleach and vinegar are not working and I want to puke when I open it.  If you just thought in your head..."buy a new one."  Send me the money and I will.

*Sometimes I think I like crock pots but really I think that most stuff that comes out of them tastes like a bland soupy mess.  Unless it has BBQ sauce in it, take it out of the crock pot.  Your ruining it.

*Target diapers are better then Pampers, Huggies, Luvs and most certainly Market Basket brand.  I bought some Luvs last week and have had to change my daughters sheets EVERY morning since.

*Someone once said that the human body goes through a large change every 7 years...Is that true?  I don't know but sometimes I wonder about that.  Maybe it was just some weird dream I had and nobody really told me that?.  Who knows.

*I hate driving.  I really hate driving at night.  I also hate when I am in the car and someone else is driving.  Wow that's a toughie.  Gotta get to work on that.  I think it has something to do with the fact that if we crash at least I will know it is coming if I am in the drivers seat.  Who knows maybe it is just a idiosyncrasy.

*I worry about running out of gas.  A unnatural amount.  I have done it since I was a child.  I have never run out of gas.  The worrying works I guess.

*When your husband almost kills himself cutting down a tree you probably shouldn't get mad at him but holy hell if he left me alone up here with chickens, a dog, and two kids I would dig him up and kill him again.  I swear I would.

*Just because your married to a women who's father cuts trees down for a living does not make you awesome at it.  It probably makes you less awesome at it due to the confidence gained from doing groundwork twice.  Not a good plan.  I think we are going to leave tree work to the professionals from now on.

*My daughter has Pica (urge to eat non-food substances).  She eats anything she sees.  It was poison berries one night and the very next it was dandruff shampoo.  WTH is wrong with her.  Does shampoo really taste good.  You would think that once she got a taste she wouldn't want any more.  Not her.  She wanted it back.  She also tried to eat my diamond earings.  Crazy girl.

*Noah is a little too smart for his own good.  When caught saying "shit" yesterday after dropping his grapes on the floor...he looks at me and says "Mom.  I said orchard."  Complete with exasperated sigh like I was really soft.  Operation manipulation has begun. 

*My dog barked ALLLL NIGHT last night.  I seriously wanted to kill him.  I have a splitting headache and am exhausted and he is sleeping with his paws over his head right next to me.  I have half a mind to step on him when I get up.

*I haven't had a cigarette in 9 months.  Go me.

Friday, September 2, 2011

VLOG time baby!

This is my first and probably last VLOG...I just didn't think I could fully express how CRAZY this book was unless I personally read it to you.  Enjoy.  The video below is a wonderful tale of how parents really feel.  Not crazy at all.  That story you will enjoy much more I promise.  Unless you are a friggin creepster that crawls into your married sons window at night and rocks him like a baby.  LUNATIC. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hi! Is this Poison Control?

We just officially finished our poison watch for this evening.  My daughter thinks that she needs to take years off my life by eating any and all berries that grow in the yard.  Tonight it was Lily of the Valley, an extremely toxic berry that basically slows down your respiratory system within a hour after ingestion and leads to certain death.  I don't know how to get her to understand that just because daddy walks around picking grapes, blueberries, and raspberries doesn't mean that EVERY berry is edible.  SHE DOESN'T TALK.  And like all children, even if she did talk she wouldn't listen so I am resigned to helicoptering over her at all times...which sucks.  Tonight she was on daddies watch when she decided to have a poisoness appetizer...there I said was HIS FAULT.  Well not really...sister is mad quick with her naughtiness.

This little girl is nuts though.  She will eat ANYTHING.  I thought that Noah was a good eater but she can eat him under the table.  Buffalo wings...sure...raw onion...give it to me...inedible poison berry...why not?  That's not all though, she loves to stack wood.  Cripes she is better at it them me!  I can't keep her away from the wood pile.  It doesn't matter that there is a sand box, swing set and tricycle at her disposal...she wants to work.  And eat (even tried to eat the wood).  I girly her up with pink and tutus but it just doesn't work.  She rips off her sparkly barbie sneakers and walks around barefoot heaving logs as heavy as her onto the wood stack.  If you don't believe me take a look. 
Told you...she will eat ANYTHING.  Or at least try.
Whaaaa?  I'm tryin to work here.  Cuties.
***Pause playlist to hear our awesome parenting***

Now this might look like horrible parenting but I have given up trying to police this crap anymore.  Between the barn and all the barn tools, the garage and all the garage tools, the wood and and all the wood tools it is a NEVER ENDING BATTLE trying to not let the kids kill themselves.  This is how I have chosen to look at it...I grew up in the same environment and I survived-- so have at it kids.  Survival of the fittest.  And if you are wondering what it is that Noah comes out of the barn weilding, it is a weed plucker fully equipped with two pointy prongs on the end.  Yes we took it away so relax.  But this is a pretty typical day in the life.  Thank god it's almost the weekend.  Oh wait, that doesn't mean crap.  These kids aren't going anywhere.  Oh well.