Friday, July 29, 2011

Shit talking up all night

We are having a very slow moving day today.  Partly due to the fact, well totally due to the fact, that a entire bottle of Cupcake Red Velvet wine followed by a glass of my favorite boxed Merlot causes me to agonize over every single task this blah morning.  Therefore the children are not dressed, neither am I and you know what?  I don't care.  Truth be told the kids seem just fine and dandy with the whole wear your pajamas to lunch trend I have started.  I will walk the dog in my pajamas and wave to my neighbors looking like a total bag lady and who cares.  I was spared the headache but must have exhausted all my energy last night pouring endless glasses of mommy's little helper for me and my bestie.  Totally cool with that.  The best part...undressed babies means cute little butt cracks all over this house.  Adorable.  Don't believe me?!  Have a look. 
Love it.  Noah is rocking his sweet mismatched PJ's because the kid simply refuses to wear anything that remotely matches.  When he has to actually leave the house it takes about 10 outfits before he picks one that is suitable for public.  Noah is definitely a country boy because yesterday he tried to convince me that Camo is the new black..."MOM IT GOES WITH EVERYTHING!!!  ITS CAMOUFLAGE!"  Kid has a point.
Thomas the train shorts with a Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles shirt...sure.
Even Tahoe is down with the do nothing trend.  I will spare you a picture of my beautiful ensemble if only so you don't lose your lunch.  Happy Friday everyone!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Just me, a can of white paint and some chickens

Lack of extra money + boredom + a half can of paint and two ugly household items = everything got painted today.  Truth be told it doesn't look too shabby.  Maybe a tad country cottage but isn't that what this old place should be...well if not completely decked out in chicken paraphernalia which is what I know mom would like.
The lamp has been with Dov since birth. It was a big, dark, wooden block of a lamp.  It was great in all of our first apartments where any piece of furniture was as good as Pier one to me.  When you start with nothing you'll take anything.  Even old 70's lamps.  Well 10 years and 5 moves later it had resigned to collecting dust in the garage with all the other discarded remnants of our starting out years. along with some old wooden folding chairs that were covered in spider webs and had lived in our garage before we even knew Captain Clark had a highway. 

Today I breathed new life into those old pieces of soon to be trash.  Are you ready...big reveal here.  Oh and try to block out the toys.  That ugly, bold colored plastic crap has all but taken over every single corner of my house and I can not wait for the day that I can have one of those terrible kids stuff yard sales.  You know the ones with all the exercausers, pack n plays, and Rubbermaid bins of clothes labeled in size by months.  The yard sales that you drive quickly by because you know it is all crap.

Ya that's leopard print...RARRRR.

Another thing that I have become obsessed with is signs.  Sayings carved into wood that I can not stop myself from buying and hanging all over the house.  I find it weird because I normally think that stuff is kind of soft but something has gotten into me and pretty soon I might need to find a signs anonymous meeting.  Want to see how out of hand it has gotten. 

It's the house that is crooked not my hang job although Dov may beg to differ...did I use a level?   Yeah if you call asking a three year old if something is straight a level.
It is official I have a problem.  This is just the downstairs too!

And because the chickens are officially in their coop and not smelling up my garage.  We celebrate.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Banning children from restaurants is F'd up.

About a week ago I saw a piece on the news that really, deeply irritated me.  I was so mad that I totally wanted to blog about it if only to put it out there.  My perspective.  And let it reverberate into nothingness as do most of the posts I do. 

There's a restaurant by the name of McDain's Restaurant in Monroeville Pennsylvania that has banned any children under the age of 6 to dine on the premise.  The reason given was that they are too noisy and disrupt other patrons of the establishment.  Well here is the thing that really gets me.  I KNOW.  I mean I do really know that children are unpredictable and yes sometimes lack any sort of volume control.  This is not only embarrassing for the parents but also can lead to some uncomfortable moments for others if the parents don't act accordingly and escort the unruly child out to the car or away from other patrons.  I also know why the parents sometimes wait till the child has totally stepped out of bounds.  Because they have not eaten a meal at a restaurant for eons and soooo badly want to finish whatever delicacy they can afford before it is a cold nasty remnant of a evening gone horrific.  Heated up in a nasty melted styrofoam takeout container at 10 o'clock at night while you fight with your spouse about discipline and who needs to start "stepping up."

The other side to this is YOU...the general public that is lucky enough to be dining sans children.  There is a lot of talk about parents that don't discipline their child.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard that parents don't "PARENT" anymore.  That is total B.S.  I have no problem parenting but here is the issue, you never know who that person in the restaurant is that will think that your discipline is abuse.  You can't even look at your kid sideways without wondering who's thinking your a meany pants.  They want to see you chase them around in circles and do time outs and blah blah blah but I really think when a child knows that they could get a spanking if they misbehave they are much less apt to test their limits in a public setting.  Go ahead, call me awful but all that means is your the problem...or you don't have children.  You can't expect parents to do a half way decent job at raising their children if children are allowed to feel like they have 50/50 control of a situation.  When I was a kid getting grounded was a treat, getting a spanking was punishment.  If I knew that a spanking was going to result from my behavior I was NOT going to risk it.  If I knew a stern talking to was the outcome then bring it on.  A kid can out talk a parent any day...and the circle continues.  The child will keep on with a behavior if they are not a little afraid of you.  All I have to do is give my son a look when we are at a restaurant now and he knows that it is ON if he keeps it up. 

So be outraged if you want or  try to realize when you see some broken mother or father grab a boy or girl by the arm a little harder then you might have and lead them out of the restaurant without a big cheery OH SHUCKS smile on their face that they are going to sit in a hot boring car with a crying toddler for 45 minutes till they can get home fight with their wife/husband and eat their microwaved fillet mignon out of melted styrofoam.  LET US PARENT AND BUTT THE HELL OUT!  STOP MAKING US FEEL GUILTY FOR CORRECTING BEHAVIORS THAT ARE UNACCEPTABLE.  TRY TO UNDERSTAND HOW EMBARRASSED THE PARENTS ARE AND DON'T FREAK WHEN I SHOW MY CHILD HOW EMBARRASSING IT FEELS TO BE DISRESPECTED IN A PUBLIC PLACE.  

That is my rant for this year.  Thanks for reading and don't hate.  By the way my kids rock at restaurants and it did not come easy....oh it did not.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

It ends as it started...but with laminate

We ended the week just like it the lake.  This time we had Grammy and Grampy along for the fun.  It did not disappoint.  Noah proved that he is half fish and Bell proved that she can out eat every single person in attendance.  The dogs played nice, the kids were good and Dov caught a perch that weighed about one ounce.  We all left happy.

Shirley is a good sport and will do just about anything to be near her mommy...aka Grammy.
Dov is getting the hang of the rope swing.  Couple more trips and he'll be doing back flips off this thing.
Isn't this what Daddy is for?  Exhausting himself blowing up floats and saying WEEEEEE LOOK AT YOU!!  ISN'T THAT FUN?  Pretty sure it is.
Well they are also good at finding things that toddlers throw off the dock.  Like your sunglasses.  Daddy's are good.
Grampy, Daddy, Bell and Shirley (Grammy's dog)  hanging on the dock.
Noah and Grammy trying to master the water cannons.  Noah seems to have gotten pretty good.  We might have to hide those on the next trip unless everyone enjoys getting a steady stream of water shot at them while they sunbathe on the dock.
Not to leave out the big accomplishment of the weekend.  Dov tore out the carpet at the top of the stairs and replaced it with laminate.  This might seem like a small task for someone that lives in a "newer" home.  In a house that is as old as ours every single measurement is different and nothing is square.  Walls are clearly not straight and neither are doorways.  All in all I have to say he did a beautiful job.  I am also more then glad to say bye bye to that horrible carpet.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Now wasn't that fun!

On this dreadfully hot day I decided to get the hell out of dodge.  At 6:30 am I called my little Noah out of camp and started packing.  We were getting to the water before the heat got to me.  By 9:00 am there was nothing left to do but get in the car and head to the lake, Wyman lake that is.  The chickens were fed, the garden watered and SPF 50 was all over the bathroom and hopefully the children.  Off we went for a day of fun...but lets not kid ourselves, fun is not exactly what you get when venture off with two children age 4 and 1 and a dog that ranks as one of the neediest, clingiest, pains in the asses I have ever met.  No I might not of had my kind of fun but I think the kids enjoyed themselves and the dog was able to knock me off the dock at least 2 times so I think he had some fun...but me...I just worked.  Lunch, lugging and taking lots of pictures so that 20 years from now I can look back and say...WASN'T THAT SOOO MUCH FUN!...and I will probably really mean it.

This is what you see about 2 seconds before we bail INTO the water with your expensive camera.  Damn dog!  What did he see?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  This is just for sport.

Bella just chillin in the lake surf...well for those of you that don't know there is a surf in a lake.  It is called a boat just went by...HERE COME THE WAVES!

Noah sharing his lunch with the sunfish.  Let me just say something here too.  For any moms out there that want to brave trips further then 10 minutes from the house.  BRING LOTS OF FOOD.  Like tons.  So much that as you pack it you are saying to yourself...this is a entire week of groceries...believe me they will eat it.  They will eat and eat and eat till you just open the cooler and walk away.  Vultures they are.  Oh and if there are juice boxes involved be prepared to be picking those suckers up all day...half full.
Sunfish.  Ugly little buggers.  They sure like Fluffernutter.  Almost as much as me. (That's for you Jen ;-) )
Finger lickin Go-gurt.  Yet another thing my son LOVES and I think looks like vomit in a tube.

Yup he is very handsome.  Oh and very fresh.  But the handsome tries to make up for it.
Third outfit of the day.  Takes after her auntie Katie a little I think.

Bella waved at every boat that past by.  And when they did not wave back this is what would happen.
Ummm HELLO!  Don't they see how super cute I am.  GAWD.  WHATEVER.

This is how I get back at a dog for knocking me off the dock. 

Guess which Scottish Irish lass got herself a tan this summer.  Yes me.  First tan in many summers.  I am proud of it.  Even if it will peel off in 2 days.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Pandora's Box

Alright girls, have you ever been home on a Friday night, bored and lonely, when you decide that it is definitely the night to reshape your eyebrows?  If you say no then you are lying.  If you say yes, then you know how it always ends.  With a eyebrow pencil and a few tense weeks while they grow back.  It always starts the same.  You have a clear vision of the eyebrow shape you want and you start tweezing away.  At first they look good, till you see that one hair on the top that's throwing things you go for it, and for some reason when you pull it out it is like opening Pandora's box.  You just can't seem to get back to a good place.  The more you tweeze the deeper in the shit you get till you have gone so far that the only solution is to shave them off and hope drawn in brows come back into fashion.  Of course just the opposite will occur and everyone will have Brooke Shield's bushy caterpillar's the next day.

The reason for this eyebrow rant is the following, men have the same problem.  No, not with tweezers but with hedge trimmers.  My dear husband decided that the large bush in the center of our yard needed a trim this weekend.  It all started off innocently enough and for the first fifteen minutes things were looking nice and tidy.  I decided that he could handle this job all by himself and hopped into the car to go to my favorite store...yes the Dollar Tree.  When I came home he was fully in the midst of a overtweeze.  It was so so so so very bad.  So bad that the first thing he said was, "we can find something else to plant here."  Ummmmm no!  I am thinking of planting him there.  Here are some before and after shots.  You can be the judge.  Oh and to top it off he planted a bunch of my LEAST favorite plants in the empty, barren space left behind...hastas!  ICK.
There's the bush, large and bountiful behind the Adirondack chairs.
Here she is now.  A pretty sad state of affairs if you ask me.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I got a PRESENT!!!

I know I have said it before but I will say it again...I LOVE mowing my lawn.  I love mowing in the morning, I love mowing in the evening.  What I don't love is mowing in the blistering heat and trying to do it before Bella Boo gets up from her increasingly shorter afternoon nap.  I also was not seeing the amazing results of all that exercise, since my ass is still the same size as the first time I took the push mower for a go-round.  That and the beautiful calluses that are forming on my hand are not as lady like as I had hoped for.

All this led to me beginning the barrage of bitching and complaining about the fact that we needed to get a ride around lawn mower.  Every time we would go to Lowes I would stop and caress the Ariens and Weed Eaters lovingly while my husband went to buy me a new blade for my old stinky push mower.  Well ladies and gentlemen all my hemming and hawing has paid off.  Today we purchased ourselves a 18 year old SIMPLICITY lawn tractor. 

Made in the good old USA baby!  Won't find that with any new fangled lawn equipment!

Bell COULD NOT understand the level of excitement.

Oh I was happy as a pig in ya know!

Yes sir!  Sure did a good if I can just figure out how to not take myself out with tree branches that would be great.

This should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me or my husband for that matter.  I don't think we have purchased any single thing for our yard that was not second hand.  Weed Wacker-out of the trash in Bolton, Wheel Barrel-same place...the trash, rakes and shovels-all left behind from previous owner, leaf blower-Co-worker of Dov's was getting rid of it because it wouldn't does now! And most importantly my beloved and cherished snow blower-purchased from a 90 year old man who bought it new in 1990...ran like a champ all New Hampshire winter long. 

This lawn tractor had me grinning like a total fool all the live long mow.  Seriously, my face hurts from all that smiling.  I managed to mow over a acre of lawn in 20 minutes!  Now that is just skittledeedooda awesome! Does it matter that all my lawn equipment is legal to buy smokes and booze?  Nope, I am a country gal...pretty easy to please.

 My beautiful flower garden

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Reality escape hatch

We escaped reality on Sunday.  We went to the beach.  It had been a long and emotional week.  Although it was nice to get away from the home front, it was unmistakable that the families shape had changed again.  I felt it for the first time when my Nana passed, that knowledge that no holiday,  no family gathering, no day, would ever be the same.  In the beginning it is easy to block out that undeniable fact and the overwhelming pain that comes with it.  I think that is why we picked the beach.  And one of the most rowdy ones at that...Salisbury municipal beach.  Blaring live music, arcades, ice cream trucks and 900 million people going on with life like something MAJOR didn't just happen.  In that environment you let your brain turn off for a little bit and maybe for just a few moments take in the beauty of the ocean  enjoy your family, and then remember with a ache that Dave had many more beach days to go.  It is unfair and no beach day can deny that fact. We made the best of the beautiful weather and reminisced a lot.  Every gorgeous thing we saw we thanked Dave for.

I knew this is how Grampy's walk with the kids would end.
Noah feels tough with his styrofoam muscles
Forever a bathing beauty

This one is too cool for school

 Umbrella guy

I live vicariously through my daughter, if I can't wear one, she will.

 One half of an amazing team...the other half is sun bathing above.

 Where's Waldo?
I have not a clue what Bell was attempting here.  I do know that she can eat sand like NOBODYS BUSINESS!  Girl was crazy with that stuff.
Yeah I know my bathing suit is huge.  Hubby picked out a 1X for me.  Nice huh?  Oh well what are you gonna do...gave him two pretty cute kids so that counts for something right?