Monday, December 19, 2011

Quitting for me.

Lets see.  How did I start smoking...I remember clear as day.  All throughout high school you could not have met a bigger anti-smoking advocate.  If I found a friend smoking the ration of shit that followed would scare them into the closet, and then their car would forever smell of Yankee candle car spray and stale nicotine.  Or they would just deal with the annoying barrage of insults thrown their way about the smell, the cancer, the yellow teeth etc.  I was the girl who cried, "I grew up with a smoker and it is disgusting and nasty and blah blah blah."
Still a smoking virgin here.

Fast forward to a breakup, graduating high school, and the impending move away from family and friends for college.  Those were the ingredients I needed to make my excuse that I wanted, slash that, NEEDED a cigarette.  The first pack of "butts" were amazing.  It was like a legal buzz.  The light headed feeling, the low hum in your ears, the impending lack of appetite, it was everything I wanted at the time.  Lots of late night hours spent cruising around my home town listening to music with my dear friend cigarette.

 3 months later.  The day I left for college.  Note the butt hanging from my hand.  Nice touch to any picture right?

I had solidly convinced myself for the first two years that I was a "social smoker" that the butts alone in the car or before bed were just because I was "stressed" that day.  But around year three I knew that I was a tried and true smoker.  I had anxiety when I was down to my last couple cigs and couldn't get to the store till the next day.  I would be out to dinner and all I could think about was when I could get outside to light up.  I thought up reasons why it was good to smoke...hey more breaks at work right?  Yes, year three I knew I was hooked.

Then I was getting married and things were going great.  I was planning my wedding, eating healthy, exercising and smoking didn't fit the image I had in mind of the bride I wanted to be.  I didn't want to be in my gown, huffing a butt down before the cake cutting.  I made a promise to myself that I was going to quit.  And I did.  For 8 months.  Then I gave in to the "stress" excuse and lit up two weeks before my wedding.  And yes, I was the bride smoking a butt in her beautiful gown.  GROSS. NOT CLASSY. and I was so mad at myself.

Yes Dad had to come get me outside for our Father Daughter dance...had to have that butt!

One month after my wedding I was pregnant.  SMOKING WAS NOT A OPTION.  As soon as the test confirmed that we were going to be three I threw my pack in the trash.  I didn't think of them again for 10 months.  Noah was about one month old when I picked up a cigarette again.  I could not believe that I had gone back to it.  I convinced myself that I would only smoke at night, outside, when I was not near the baby etc. etc.  And for the most part I did stick to that.  I never smoked near Noah or in the house.  Not that it makes it any better.  Hurting yourself is as bad as hurting your child.

With my second pregnancy I quit again.  This time it was harder.  I was far away from my family, my pregnancy had taken a bad turn and become VERY SCARY.  During Bella's pregnancy there were definitely times that I wanted to smoke.  I was steadfast though and didn't give in...till she was a week old.  Again I had let myself and my family down.

Here is the thing.  When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, when my uncle was diagnosed with cancer, none of those things were enough to make me quit.  I had to be REALLY sick of it.  SO SICK OF NEEDING AND WANTING A CIGARETTE.  I was tied to them and I hated it.  I hated the feeling I had in the morning after a night of smoking.  I knew that it was slowly killing me.  I loved my family and I wanted to spend every minute I could get out of this life with them, not a cigarette.  That is why it worked this time.  I love the fact that my kids don't know I ever smoked...I want to keep it that way.  Hey, little white lies don't count.  Nagging won't work.  Lead by example. When the person you love is ready, they will quit.  I am sure they hate the fact that they smoke even more then you do.


Saturday, December 17, 2011

People throw rocks at things that shine.

I ventured out to do a few last minute Christmas shopping errands today and realized in short order that staying away from the holiday craziness would be better.  So back home I went to deck the house out with flamboyant Christmas decor.  I swagged, bowed, collected, twisted, cut, twirled and hunted birch bark...with a little help from Mr. Noah.  Yes I have that kind of time people.  Time spent doing crafts for our home with my kids is time NOT wasted.  They love the little jobs as much as I love looking at our finished products.  Noah collects pine cones and searches for the BESTEST birch limb and I cut evergreens and twist is good people...real good.

We also have decided to reclaim our downstairs.  ALL THE TOYS HAVE BEEN BANISHED TO THE SPARE BEDROOM.  Does that mean that they play up there?  No.  What it actually means is that I spend lots of time lugging toys back upstairs after they are done playing with it down here.  I knew that it would happen but it is still better then looking at millions of broken Happy Meal toys and vacuuming up tons of plastic that the dog chews up.  So now any overnight guests get a free stay at the playroom suite.  Fully equipped with a queen sized bed, reading light, train table, playhouse, plastic kitchen set, and hobby horse.  Sounds cozy right!
Well here is a rundown of the latest projects around Jaffe household.  

This was a ugly potted dying plant.  Now it is my tribute to the beautiful state my daughter was born in.  And it smells good to boot!
We like sticks in this house.  Stick runner, stick centerpiece in a vase filled with Noah's hand picked pine cones.  He said he only picked "THE BEST!"
Door swag.  Simple, pretty and 25 dollars at the end of the street.  FREE and took 4 minutes.
Now this I stole from Pintrest and put my own spin on it.  This is our wedding invitation cut into strips, twisted around and a pencil and put into a vase.  If you turn the vase around you can read the important parts of the invite.  I just thought it was such a cute way to display such a important day.  When I get around to Micheals I will be putting it in a clear ornament with a little glitter...SO pretty.  For now it's a vase.
This here is one of those t-shirt scarves that are all over Pintrest.  Since my husband HATES to part with anything I am only able to get my hands on REALLY ugly t-shirts.  This might work for a Red sox game??
My little crafty helpers!

Friday, December 9, 2011

This is madness. Complete madness.

So to get in line with the whole holiday cheer movement I have decided to make the best of this monstrous head cold.  Here is one MAJOR bonus of having so much mucus in your sinuses that it feels like your cranium is filled with cement.  Your daughter can take a dump at probably 7 am and you won't smell it.  Nope, not till you see it oozing out the side around 9 am.  That is when you will have had a motherhood fail.  Not that she minds, she will fight you tooth and nail to stay in that shitty rag.  I mean really!?  Your butt is being eaten away by poo and you want to scream and cry and wriggle around getting shiat everywhere in the process just because I am trying to clean you up!  No good deed goes unpunished right?  Screw you little lady.  Well not really screw her but ya...screw her.  Well that wasn't as cheery as I had hoped but it is the bright side of being sick right?

Okay so there is the head cold and then the fact that I sheered almost my entire pad of my thumb off yesterday with a pairing knife, therefore throwing my crafting insanity on hold. When it first happened I called Dov at work in a panic.  I was too afraid to look at the wound for fear that I would pass out and the kids would burn the house down (even though I could use the sleep).  I thought that maybe somehow he could coach me through the trauma but nope, not really.  His first suggestion was that I pull the hunk of flesh off and move on.  Obviously he had some time to ponder my situation on the way home from work though because when he arrived home he had come up with a "better" solution for the necrotic flesh hanging off my thumb.  Super Glue.  Yes he suggested that maybe I should Super Glue it back on.  Needless to say that didn't happen.  So surgical tape and band-aids it is for the meantime.  I am REALLY hoping I regain sensation at some point.

I have also developed a very concerning addiction to chalk board paint and am liable to slap it on any stationary object I see.  I love it so much that I learned how to make it. ** DANGER DANGER**.  Who knew that you could mix grout with paint and make a frigging chalkboard.  Well, looks like my kids are getting bedroom makeovers.  Hope they like inhaling dust because ohhhhh baby!!! Mama's got a brand new project!  Seriously, it is mad cool!  We already know that I can't get enough of corny sayings etched onto wood, they are ALL OVER MY HOUSE.  Now I can scribble them down on my chalkboard and when they make me want to gag...POOF... erased and on to the next "my life is a blessing" quote I come across...cause I am ALL about positive thinking people.  On chalkboards and framed art, just not in my brain.  Keep calm and carry on my ass!

These are the backs of my kitchen chairs chalk-boarded.  Instant place cards right!  Now I wouldn't do this to any table but this is a Ikea yard sale special so rock on!

The wine glasses are chalk-boarded for distinguishing who's is who's or for any inappropriate thing you decide to scribble on there in your drunken state.  Drunk art projects are the funnest right?  Then we have the table tea light holders...just a cut up limb from the yard.  Love it.  Idea was stolen from my favorite blogger Kellie Hampton.

The barrel was a flea market find and I had two so one I decided needed to be painted with what else...chalk board paint!  I love it...and might even do the other one.

T-shirt scarf.  Now this wasn't my best project but I promise I will master this...and then every single family member will receive one for X-mas.  Cause they are free yo!

Yeah so those tree coasters also make awesome Christmas ornaments.  A little wood burner tool and you are good to go!  Gotta love my hot pink wreath.  

Oh Oh, and guess what?  You can cut glass by soaking twine in acetone, tying it around a old wine bottle then lighting it on FIRE!  I think I would feel better about this one if we lived in a town with a real fire department.  HOLY PINTREST people!  What to do with half a wine bottle?  Well the possibilities are endless.  To bad I drink it by the box though.  Hey that just gave me another idea!...

Have a great weekend!
This just in from the coop...The hens are laying!  Finally.  Woohoo! :-)