Friday, December 9, 2011

This is madness. Complete madness.

So to get in line with the whole holiday cheer movement I have decided to make the best of this monstrous head cold.  Here is one MAJOR bonus of having so much mucus in your sinuses that it feels like your cranium is filled with cement.  Your daughter can take a dump at probably 7 am and you won't smell it.  Nope, not till you see it oozing out the side around 9 am.  That is when you will have had a motherhood fail.  Not that she minds, she will fight you tooth and nail to stay in that shitty rag.  I mean really!?  Your butt is being eaten away by poo and you want to scream and cry and wriggle around getting shiat everywhere in the process just because I am trying to clean you up!  No good deed goes unpunished right?  Screw you little lady.  Well not really screw her but ya...screw her.  Well that wasn't as cheery as I had hoped but it is the bright side of being sick right?

Okay so there is the head cold and then the fact that I sheered almost my entire pad of my thumb off yesterday with a pairing knife, therefore throwing my crafting insanity on hold. When it first happened I called Dov at work in a panic.  I was too afraid to look at the wound for fear that I would pass out and the kids would burn the house down (even though I could use the sleep).  I thought that maybe somehow he could coach me through the trauma but nope, not really.  His first suggestion was that I pull the hunk of flesh off and move on.  Obviously he had some time to ponder my situation on the way home from work though because when he arrived home he had come up with a "better" solution for the necrotic flesh hanging off my thumb.  Super Glue.  Yes he suggested that maybe I should Super Glue it back on.  Needless to say that didn't happen.  So surgical tape and band-aids it is for the meantime.  I am REALLY hoping I regain sensation at some point.

I have also developed a very concerning addiction to chalk board paint and am liable to slap it on any stationary object I see.  I love it so much that I learned how to make it. ** DANGER DANGER**.  Who knew that you could mix grout with paint and make a frigging chalkboard.  Well, looks like my kids are getting bedroom makeovers.  Hope they like inhaling dust because ohhhhh baby!!! Mama's got a brand new project!  Seriously, it is mad cool!  We already know that I can't get enough of corny sayings etched onto wood, they are ALL OVER MY HOUSE.  Now I can scribble them down on my chalkboard and when they make me want to gag...POOF... erased and on to the next "my life is a blessing" quote I come across...cause I am ALL about positive thinking people.  On chalkboards and framed art, just not in my brain.  Keep calm and carry on my ass!

These are the backs of my kitchen chairs chalk-boarded.  Instant place cards right!  Now I wouldn't do this to any table but this is a Ikea yard sale special so rock on!

The wine glasses are chalk-boarded for distinguishing who's is who's or for any inappropriate thing you decide to scribble on there in your drunken state.  Drunk art projects are the funnest right?  Then we have the table tea light holders...just a cut up limb from the yard.  Love it.  Idea was stolen from my favorite blogger Kellie Hampton.

The barrel was a flea market find and I had two so one I decided needed to be painted with what else...chalk board paint!  I love it...and might even do the other one.

T-shirt scarf.  Now this wasn't my best project but I promise I will master this...and then every single family member will receive one for X-mas.  Cause they are free yo!

Yeah so those tree coasters also make awesome Christmas ornaments.  A little wood burner tool and you are good to go!  Gotta love my hot pink wreath.  

Oh Oh, and guess what?  You can cut glass by soaking twine in acetone, tying it around a old wine bottle then lighting it on FIRE!  I think I would feel better about this one if we lived in a town with a real fire department.  HOLY PINTREST people!  What to do with half a wine bottle?  Well the possibilities are endless.  To bad I drink it by the box though.  Hey that just gave me another idea!...

Have a great weekend!
This just in from the coop...The hens are laying!  Finally.  Woohoo! :-)

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