Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My scariest day as a mother

At around 4 o'clock in the afternoon Tuesday I was taking some laundry out of the dryer and had just sat down in the living room to start folding when I see two little legs about half way up the stairs.  Now we live in a old house with very steep stairs...the kind where if you fall you will be lucky to hit even one on the way down.  Now this might make me sound like a terrible person but this little girl can climb anything and has done her share of stair climbing in the last few months.  For the most part she can get up and down without any trouble at all and as long as I am there with her she can have at it. 
I remember saying something along the lines of "Noah you know I don't like you playing near the stairs."-since he was at the top instigating her climb with promises of letting her play in his room.  I don't think I had even got all the words out when I heard that terrible noise that is a body cartwheeling down wooden stairs.  Suffice to say she fell down about 6 of the 10 stairs onto the little area rug that covers slate tile at the base of the stairwell.  Intense screaming followed, hers and mine, and then it got very scary.
You always hear not to let someone that has just received head trauma go to sleep.  Well she kept falling asleep.  I could not get her to keep her eyes open.  Cold bath, screaming, crying nothing seemed to keep her from nodding off.  Now mind you my son is running around the house behind me thinking that this is just hilarity and not quite realizing the terror of the situation.  During this time I am on the phone with my husband who is sitting in 4 lane traffic in Cambridge and totally unable to do anything and screaming that he needs to be HERE NOW!  Totally illogical but I was in a state that can only be defined as insanity at that point. 
After about 15 minutes of trying to get her to stay awake the vomiting started.  She projectile vomited about 2 times and that is when I really started to think that the floor was spinning under my feet.  I managed to call her pediatrician and they basically said to get her to the hospital STAT!  That was the longest drive of my life.  A ride that realistically takes 10 minutes felt like forever.  I  arrived and was told that she needed to be transported to Southern New Hampshire Medical Center where they could do a CT scan and X-rays.  The ambulance arrived within 5 minutes and the worst ride of my life began.
They strapped her to a spinal board with a neck brace so that she could not move at all and loaded her and me into the ambulance.  At this point Dov had arrived and was able to take Noah and follow the ambulance.  Full lights and sirens in rush hour traffic down Rt. 3 with my terrified daughter strapped down and not able to move.  I can't explain how it felt but it was so bad that it is hard to write it right now. 
We arrived and got all the necessary scans but the vomiting would not stop so they decided to transfer us to Eliot Hospital in Manchester which is affiliated with Childrens Hospital in Boston.  Here comes another ambulance, a IV insertion in a dehydrated one year old who has no idea what is going on, and a me FREAKING out! 
Well that is the guts of the story and I will spare the endless waiting and crying etc. to let you know that she was FINE.  Everything checked out OK and they said she had a small concussion.  Phew!!! But I must say that as a mother this has topped my list of most horrible, scary, life shaking events in the motherhood journey so far. 

I think today has been full of more kisses, hugs and shared glances of relief and love then we have had in a long time.  I hold her a little tighter today because I would not want another tomorrow without her.  It is amazing how much you really love your kids.  I mean REALLY love them.  You feel their pain, fear, anxiety just like it is your own but somehow even more so.  I hope we never have to go through anything this scary again...I don't think I could take it, but I know I would.  I can and will do anything for these two little babies.  I love them more then life itself.
My beautiful blue eyed baby girl

I can't love her up enough.

Noah's doctor kit that Grammy bought for him.  Taking care of his sister.  Such a good boy.