Thursday, May 26, 2011

Did you know you can get poison ivy in your thoat? You do now.

Here are some things that make me say the F word.  Mostly in anger but sometimes in awe.

  1. Poison Ivy-This shit is terrible.  I remember it as a kid but I swear it has gotten worse.  My husband spotted some in a overgrown garden on our property border a couple of weeks ago.  Saturday he went out with gloves on and started to pull it up by the roots.  This is what all our Google research informed us was the best, most effective method to get rid of it for good.  Long story short, within hours he had swollen glands and a pretty bad sore throat, not to mention a nice itchy rash on his wrist/forearm.  Oh and to top it off, the next morning who wakes up with poison ivy all over her stomach???  ME!  I didn't touch the damn stuff and I still manage to get it.  So now I walk around itching myself like a crazy lunatic all day.  We still have poison ivy.  I am buying the spray...screw it...I don't care if it is toxic to frogs.  Poison ivy is toxic to me.
  2. Why is it that your kids could be perfectly content and quiet but as soon as the phone rings or you have company or you just handled raw chicken, they will subsequently melt down into a ear piercing temper tantrum.  I don't get it.  It is like they can sense your inability to meet their needs at that exact second and so they decide that you should know you could possibly be inconveniencing them.  I have been known to go out in the garage to take a phone call while they kick and scream on the kitchen floor.  Sorry but you can wait 25 errr 5 minutes for me to get you a friggin drink.
  3. I wonder why since becoming a mother I repeat things constantly.  Sometimes I do it even if the kids are currently doing what I asked.  Example:  This morning  I am getting Noah dressed so I  say, "take your shirt off, take your shirt off, take your shirt off" very loudly in short succession.  He already was taking it off but I am so sure that if I did not repeat it exactly three times he would stop midway thru with one arm in and one arm out, forget what he was doing and go back to irritating his sister, all while his shirt is half off.  I swear...he would.
  4. Why do kids go straight for puddles or any standing water when they get outside?  I sometimes change my kid 3 times a day.  Who the hell likes to be wet with clothes on?  Is it comfortable or do they just like for me to stop what I am doing and change their clothes again.  I think it is the latter.
  5. My daughter can have a binky in her face ALL DAY.  As soon as I want to put her down for a nap I can not find a single one.  Some days I will pile them all up in a secure location and within a few hours they are ALL gone and not a single one to be found.  Running around the house looking for one of these things while your daughter screams bloody murder in her crib is one of the most stressful events of my day.  I have a LOVE/HATE relationship with binkys.
  6.  Lastly this was found at my favorite store....I will let you guess....everything is a dollar.  Did you get it yet?  Good.  Do you see why I thought this was a little strange to find in the toy section...and I don't mean adult toys.  Although that would be terrific if they stocked that stuff...would save me a trip to Rt.9  Just kidding...um not.

It was also brought to my attention that the plastic encasement is of a questionable shape...you decide.

Well maybe I just have a overactive imagination but I thought this was pretty hilarious.  I am stocking up for Bella's next birthday party favors!!!

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