Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."

Sometimes I find it very hard to be a mom with no other outlets, such as oh I don't know?  A job.  I get down on myself, feel bad for myself, criticize myself, and overall talk myself into feeling like a worthless drone that has no life.  Then something like this happens and I remember for a minute why I do it.  Why it IS valuable, why I am not stupid and worthless, and why this is MY life.

I don't know if anyone else would understand but I am giving myself a raise for this one.  A pat on the back, a prize, whatever it is that working people get when they do a exemplary job.  This one year old little girl knows exactly when it is nap time and sometimes takes ME by the hand and leads me to the stairs.  That is the routine that I have painstakingly created in the past 3 years of being a SAHM and yes it is a pain in the neck when I wickedly want to go somewhere during the middle of the day, but I have to say it is well worth it to have a baby on a predictable schedule that naps great and sleeps through the night without a problem.
There are plenty of times that I envy the women that work outside the home, and would give anything to eat my lunch with a friend at work instead of someone who's butt I just helped wipe, but that is when I try to think of all the things that I would have no control over if I worked...nap times, snacks, activities, how much time they spend outside and I realize that, as with anything, the grass may seem greener but it's most likely just bitch ass dandelions and stupid pricker weeds.  I actually do know that going back to work wasn't the answer for me because I have tried it...TWICE!  Both times have ended with me hating it immensely and telling my dear husband that I miss the kids and think I made a mistake. 
Not to say that I don't look forward to the day when the kids are in school full time and I can finally find a job that I love as much as I have loved being home for my babies, but until then I will try to recognize the moments that make it worth it.  That video up there is one of them.  I know there are more. 

As a footnote I would like to add that I know it is a privilege that I get to stay home and many moms would love to be home instead of at work but it is not a financial reality.  Actually the main reason that I originally became a SAHM was because it was not a financial reality for me to work.  I was not the breadwinner in the family and my paycheck was adding a whopping 50 bucks a week to the budget after paying for daycare.  It was then that the decision was made for me to stay home.  I struggle with it daily as I know moms that work outside the home do too.  I think all moms should get a tattoo on their forehead as they leave the hospital. "No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."  Pretty much sums it up I think.

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