I know, I know, we live in the country and I should expect to see wildlife but come the hell on! When you see a black bear in your yard, getting ready to inspect your child's slide you literally FREAK OUT! I start yelling, "EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE NOW NOW...GET THE FUCK IN THE HOUSE...STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOW...GET UPSTAIRS!!!!" My poor Noah is looking at me going, "Mom, we are in the house." It was crazy. I did manage to somehow pull it together and decided that maybe I should risk my life for the sake of blogging. Yes I went out and took pictures. It doesn't matter that the whole time I chanted, "holy fucking shitballs, holy fucking shitballs," over and over while the bear looked at me like I was a complete ass. Complete with his head cocked to the side like "whatever chick...get it together will ya?"
Needless to say we spent the rest of the day quarantined in the house with our mugs plastered to the glass. I called the police and they basically gave me the whole...you live in the woods dumb ass, surrounded by 900 acres of state forest so basically you are in their yard...DEAL WITH IT speech. They did give me some tips like:
- If you are in the yard making noise they will avoid you.
- Clean your grill
- Make sure your trash is secure
- DON'T FEED THEM
By the time Dov got home I was feeling quite cocky and kind of like a bear expert. As he exits his car I come out growling like a jerk off just to be funny. Well didn't the mood change when Daddy bear comes charging out of the woods about 10 feet from where I was standing. Long story short I am a huge pussy and ran screaming like a bitch into the house. Two girls that obviously grew up in this neck of the woods walk by at the same time that I am cleaning up the mess in my pants and say, "what a beautiful creature." Um yeah I guess? If this keeps happening I will have ALOT more laundry to do around here.