Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Getting old is fun! Hahahah NOT.

Now, a little about my past.  I suffered from childhood hypochondria.  If I heard that someone was sick in my house I needed to know all the details.  Was it a cold?  Sinus related?  Flu-like symptoms?  Most importantly, was there vomiting involved?  If the answer was yes then you could find me in my room till three days after the last symptom had passed.  So lets get this straight...I can definitely convince myself I have contracted horrible things if left to my own devices, which leads me to the following.  I have had this weird sore throat since I was about 4 months pregnant with Isabella.  It was like a soreness on one side of my lower throat that only hurt when I swallow solid food.  At first I attributed it to Noah being in a germ infested pre-school that obviously housed a 365-day sore throat virus.  It would come and go, sometimes it would last a couple days and sometimes a week.  I would forget about it and then it would come back.

I have always had heart burn even when I was not pregnant.  I mean THE WORST, want to vomit, can't talk right now, my chest if going to burst, kinda heartburn.  You know it is bad when you are in hard labor with your first born and you are crying and begging the nurse for antacids and not a epidural.  Yes Dov actually had to smuggle tums into the hospital because the nurse must of had to hike the Appalachian trail to get them.  Seriously, a 3 hour wait for a TUMS!  No way.  I made sure to always have TUMS in the house and chalked it up to shitty genetics.  That was until the other night when I was awoken out of my sleep with the weirdest sensation...hiccups.  And then the feeling that something was stuck in my throat.  It would get tight and then let up and then get tight again...talk about scary.  Instead of waking my husband up and telling him that I might be having a heart attack, I did what any normal person would do and went downstairs to die alone on the couch.  WHAT?  That isn't normal.

After about thirty minutes of thinking this might be the end I decided to see what Dr. Google had to say about my predicament.  He said, hmmmmm probably heartburn but don't forget about esophageal cancer.  Oh! Well gee thanks.  I should sleep like a baby now that I am worrying about a soft tissue cancer.  Great, awesome, sweet.  Needless to say I convinced myself it was the worst of the two evils and headed off to the doctors to get my diagnosis.  Yes, I am a hypochondriac.  It was heartburn.  Thank the baby Jesus.  I started taking my omeprazole and within one day the sore throat was gone.  Loving life.  Now I have to figure out what I am going to do about cutting down on the wine consumption.  That's the only part that blows.  Who would have thought that drinking red wine immediatly prior to bed would cause heartburn.  ;-)  Oh and the coffee, forget about it.  That is staying.  Unless they want me to come in for my chronic fatigue diagnosis.  What the hell.  All my favorite things are causing acid to burn a hole in my food pipe.  Cripes.  Oh well still better then the alternative.



1 comment:

  1. OMG this line made me laugh outloud and caused my husband to stare: "Instead of waking my husband up and telling him that I might be having a heart attack, I did what any normal person would do and went downstairs to die alone on the couch. "

    Also, every time I google ANY symptom I have (headache, hangnail, stubbed toe) I find out I have either an STD or cancer. Googling symptoms is addicting but BAD!!!!

    Glad you're okay! :)

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