Monday, January 16, 2012

Are you there five? It's me Mom.

I have a confession to make.  I can not wait till both of my kids are in school.  Not preschool, REAL school.  The kind that lasts more then 35 minutes and also provides transportation.  Right now Noah is technically in "preschool".  That is where I pay money for him to basically stay home with me.  No joking, he has been in school for 3 days in the last 3 weeks.  First it was winter vacation.  Then a illness brought on by the fact that 4 year old's are walking petri dishes full of rotavirus.  Today, it is Martin Luther King day.  So for the past month I paid the school district so that I could watch my own kid destroy my house and tear down my last bits of sanity.

On days were Noah does have school he gets dropped off by me at 8:30 am.  When I say 8:30 I MEAN 8:30.  The teachers stand behind the doors of the school watching us in our cars as the children jump around the vehicle from the front seat to the back, putting the windows up and down, touching all the dials on the dashboard, kicking the back of my seat, and instigating fights with their siblings.  At exactly 8:31 they open the doors...not a minute earlier.  Then I drive home, put the car in park, get my daughter out, have a cup of coffee, get back in my car and pick him up at 11:15 am.  Yes I love the baby stage, I wish he would be little forever, blah blah, mother of the year blah, but please for the love of all things holy TURN 5 ALREADY WILL YA!
All the wonderful things that happen by the time they are five.  

  •  They no longer consume formula and or breast milk (both of which will make your life a living hell).  Formula is about the cost of your monthly mortgage payment and breast milk??? Well I personally couldn't go 6 months without alcohol consumption so rock on boob feeders.
  •  Diapers are no longer on your weekly shopping list.  Damn how I will be gleeful when that 20 dollars at Target can go towards some Mosimo clearance!
  •  Hopefully they can communicate by then with words and the constant crying and whining to get what they want will end.
  • A school bus will pick them up in the morning and take them to a safe haven for a few hours.
  • I will be able to go back to school/work since I won't have to pay 4.000,000 dollars a month for a babysitter or "preschool" as they like to call it.

That is the short list but I am sure I could think up more if my son was at SCHOOL instead of standing here demanding food every 3 minutes.

So yes, there are times I wish they were babies again but that moment is fleeting and immediately followed by the extreme desire to spend my days doing something other then pouring goldfish and driving back and forth to the school.  I've got a few months left on number 1 and a few years left on number 2.  It seems very long from my vantage point but I know any mother of teenagers will tell me it flies.  I guess it is kind of like a car payment, for lack of a better analogy.  You spend 5 years making that damn monthly payment.   Bitching and complaining and waiting for that last payment stub to be sent off.  The day you do, you look into the driveway and start dreaming of the next NEW car and the cycle continues.

I am sure that when they are both in school I will find things to complain about too.  Why?  Because that's just the way it is.  Today I can't wait for 5. By the time they are 5 I will probably be wishing they were 1 again.  (Sigh)  Probably not. :-)

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